Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


“I am a complex combination of wise old soul & hurt, abandoned, vulnerable inner child.” ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I love this picture and it reminds me of who I am. Both of these people – combined into one.

A wise old soul, wise beyond my years. As my previous counsellor confirmed to me when I said I felt like I had lived 10 lifetimes and she replied ‘and you have 10 lifetimes of life wisdom as a result’.

But, I also know, I have my hurt, abandoned, vulnerable, scared inner child within me too.

It makes for a complex life, and a complex way of living, that means I relate to little around me and little in others.

It’s a constant tug of war within me, of understanding so much, so deeply, but being scared to death and fearful of all this…all at the same time.

My mood can change quickly, from wise deep introspection and insight into so much….to fear and being scared like the abused, scared, fearful child I was, that still resides within me.

I am still processing this realisation, as I always process everything very deeply and it takes me time as a result.

Complex.

A word that features very strongly in my life.


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Wow. More ‘Old Soul’ info, I deeply relate to.

It makes me emotional to read all this info about Old Souls and identify and know this is what I am. This is my 3rd blog about being an old soul, as it is taking my time to process it all.

http://lonerwolf.com/problems-old-souls-experience/

Below is from ^ Website.

10 Universal Problems Old Souls Experience

In the real world having people of different levels of soulful evolution co-existing with each others comes with its problems. Not only that, but having an Old Soul doesn’t necessarily equate to being ‘all-knowing’ or perfect. Rather, it’s an indication of the age of the energy known as your soul.

In my years of mentoring Old Souls and helping them through their spiritual development, these are some of the biggest problems I’ve seen, and personally experienced:

1# You’re A Social Outcast

As with anyone who perceives the world differently from others, Old Souls can experience a great (and unending) sense of isolation. Because they fail to fit into the standards that society admires and values (careers, materialism, status and so forth), they’re commonly seen as strange, offbeat and unconventional.

2# You’re The “Black Sheep”

While Old Souls can build many strong relationships with people, their penetrating ability to connect with the depths of the people in their lives can create many enemies. Seeing deeply into the core issues of the people around them, Old Souls feel an innate desire to be truthful, even if this means revealing uncomfortable truths such as the fact that many problems are caused by immaturity, or a failure to take responsibility.

Those who are willing to change will listen and like you, while the rest will feel great disdain towards you. This is why Old Souls often become the “devils advocates” or “black sheep” of their friends or family.

3# You Often Get Mislabeled

If there’s something we all love and are good at, it’s labeling people. We fool ourselves into thinking we can “know” someone by attributing a label to them. However, humans are far too complex to be boxed into a specific and unchanging group of people. In this case, Old Souls will often be given different labels, from “beatniks” to “hippies”, “anarchists” to “new age freaks”.

While you can’t fight labels, you can try to use them in a positive way. Labels can be used as sign posts, as directions towards awareness of some quality many of us share. These qualities will be different in intensity and strength in each of us, but at least they will help us understand ourselves (and the people around us) a bit better.

This is partly why I called the Old Soul Group “I’m an Old Soul” – not so people can gain egotistical pride with such a label, but to create a sense of self-awareness, to allow people to better understand themselves.

4# You Speak An Entirely Different Language

Words are symbols we each load with our own unique definitions according to our own unique life experiences that are associated with each word. What I associate with love might be entirely different from what you associate with love. For example: When someone thinks about love, they might remember their old failed relationship and feel a terrible sense of vulnerability when the word arises, while others might associate love with loyalty and friendship. Continue reading


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PTSD – is not a ‘one size fits all’ disorder ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

The reason I know this is research, but also personal experience.

I have had PTSD since childhood.

I spent by 2 decades between aged 20 – 40, leading a high functioning life, worked hard, had stressful jobs, and lived life like anyone else. Despite having chronic insomnia, nightmares, anxiety, hyper vigilance, depression.

But, due to not dealing with it, due to doing what society says ‘move on’, ‘leave it in the past’, ‘be strong’ – the PTSD worsened considerable and 2 years ago, I had a breakdown. My brain couldn’t continue with the suppression, avoidance and minimizing of my past, any longer.

I now have severe PTSD, that is so impacting, I cannot work, I struggle to leave my home. I have severe anxiety and severe depression I battle with every day.

I know the full range on the PTSD continuum.

So, I know people should not compare, or judge.