Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

All the abuse I have ever been through has been ignored, condoned, minimized, justified by others.

None of the abuse I have been through has ever been dealt with in a way that is appropriate.

I have never had anyone stand up for me and be truly on my side and help me in a non selfish way.

It is true, that people are out for themselves and not one situation of abuse has been dealt with appropriately, or in a way that validates what I have been through, or to help me gain justice, or to help stop others get abused.

Every single day of the decades of abuse and suffering I have been through has been ignored, or minimized, or excused, or invalidated and caused me more abuse, more suffering.

No-one has ever been there for me. People claim to be. But they aren’t. Their action show far more than their words.

I’ve always been on my own. Painfully alone, while people hurt me, make me suffer and no-one has ever cared.

And to make life even more cruel, I have severe PTSD, which makes me have to endure it over and over.

I’m on my own. Always have been.

Always will.

Overwhelmed at how much harm goes on in this world. I hate it.

Just when I think I have seen enough harm and abuse in this world, more happens and I feel just as shocked, just as outraged and then as always that is inwardly processed into deep pain within me.

Humanity disgusts me on the whole.

People are inherently selfish, self serving, weak, dishonest and shallow and have no concept of their issues.

I hate it.

I hate the harm it causes.

I hate the lies.

I hate the abuse.

I hate the harm.

I hate the lack of conscience.

I hate the lack of remorse.

I hate the lack of empathy.

I hate the entitlement people have to harm others. Continue reading

I see why abusive church people will hate Alice Miller’s work. I find it very insightful.

I asked my doctor, who is a Christian if she knew of Alice Miller’s work and she said not. Considering Alice Miller is well known in the psychology world, that interested me.


Alice Miller believes in the seriousness of abuse by parents, and strongly believes hitting children and various other forms of abuse that many church people encourage, is abuse and I absolutely agree. She also believes the ‘honour thy father and mother’ – ‘even if they are abusive’ aspects of church/child abuse perpetrated, to condone abuse that I clearly see occurring, to be abuse.

My view is that ‘honour thy father and mother’ in terms of what God requires of us, is ‘if’ the father and mother act the way parents should – by not ‘abusing’ their children.

Much shame is forced upon Christians by enforcing ignoring and accepting abuse of all kinds and much is condoned within churches and I do NOT in any way condone this. It is disgusting and nothing to do with God, at all.

In her writings, Miller is careful to clarify that by “abuse” she does not only mean physical violence or sexual abuse, she is also concerned with a much more insidious form of abuse: psychological abuse perpetrated by one or both parents on their child; this is insidious because the difficulty of identifying and dealing with it lies in the fact that the abused person is likely to conceal it from themselves and may never be aware of it until some dramatic event, or the onset of depression, requires it to be treated. Miller blamed psychologically abusive parents for the majority of neuroses and psychoses.

She maintained that all instances of mental illness, addiction, crime and cultism were ultimately caused by suppressed rage and pain as a result of subconscious childhood trauma that was not resolved emotionally, assisted by a helper, which she came to term an “enlightened witness.”

In all cultures, “sparing the parents is our supreme law,” wrote Miller. Even psychiatrists, psychoanalysts and clinical psychologists were unconsciously afraid to blame parents for the mental disorders of their clients, she contended. According to Miller, mental health professionals were also creatures of the poisonous pedagogy internalized in their own childhood.

This explained why the command “Honor thy parents” was one of the main targets in Miller’s school of psychology. – Wikipedia.
Continue reading

My doctor/counsellor said this TED speaker, reminded her, of me.

My doctor sent me this link and said this amazing survivor of abuse, reminded her of me, in the way she encourages others. This woman is also clearly very honest, very intelligent, and has a huge amount of courage to stand up and tell her story and help so many.

I don’t have schizophrenia, but we do share the challenges of being survivors of abuse, and have been affected in a way that many do not understand, do not realise does not affect high intelligence, or deep wisdom, and actually requires deep self honesty and massive courage to deal with. And we both feel compelled by compassion to help others as much as is possible, in the capacity we are able.

To be compared in any way to Eleanor though, doing all she does, being able to stand and talk in front of that massive crowd, is a huge compliment and one I do not feel worthy of, at all.

But, I also know my doctor would not have sent this link and sent the message with it, if she didn’t believe it and mean it.

It is very inspirational, to see Eleanor speak. She truly is amazing.

People can be very hypocritical about ‘compassion’ for abusers.

A post to my page today.

It interests me how people can pick and choose which ‘abuse’ they feel is needed to have compassion about, and which is not okay.

I do not like any forms of abuse. Emotional, verbal, psychological, physical, sexual, spiritual.

And having endured them all, I have insight into them all and the effects of them all.

I don’t say one is terrible and one is excusable.

I don’t say one I should have compassion about and one I shouldn’t.

I actually have compassion about all forms of mental health, that are ‘part’ of a reason why people harm others. I don’t want that for anyone, for their sakes as well as for the people they abuse.

But, I also know that 99.9% of abuse, is a ‘choice’. And they could also make a ‘choice’ not to abuse. Continue reading


Pastor A. Allinson of N. P. Baptist Church, keeping tabs on me.

If this narcissistic pastor, who has already abused me, had nothing to hide, how come he is checking up on me? And this is today, as per the LinkedIn notification.

Why check up on my LinkedIn profile?

Keep checking up on me all you like A., only the truth is spoken by me and you know it. And so does God.

And because he has viewed my profile, his face and details show up on my LinkedIn page now and I can’t get rid of his profile.

He is No1 on my list of ‘people you may know’. *sigh.

Yes, sadly I do know him. Wish I didn’t. Wish I’d never met him.