Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

One single person, cannot beat a corrupt, twisted religious establishment.

I have accepted this. Not in accepting how corrupt and how psychologically twisted many religious establishments are.

I have researched enough to know, this goes on far too much within churches and religious organisations.

The biggest validation of this is the Royal Commission investigations. Which many mind controlled, sociopathic types within churches, believe is ‘terrible’. I mean, how dare people come in and expose ‘Christians’ for who they really are – liars, abusers, hypocrites and not remotely Godly.

It bothers me greatly, that God is used as an excuse for abuse, lies, narcissism etc.

But, I also accept that I cannot – as one person – beat a system, no matter how much I want to, for the sake of many people getting hurt and future spiritual abuse victims.

I can’t ‘save’ these people from these wolves.

And with a very heavy heart, and pain within me for how much this is so wrong, I accept my part in trying to deal with this, has to be over.

Soul ages/emotional development in adults and where people I know, fit.

This all fascinates me and answers so many questions as to the people I have known in my life. It validates so deeply what I have always known.

Soul ages from http://lonerwolf.com/soul-age/

1. Infant Souls

Primary Focus: Being alive.

Lessons To Learn: Basic life skills, survival, mortality, physicality.

Age Comparison: 0 – 4

Key Characteristics: Raw, untamed, playful, excitable, unsophisticated, tribal, cautious, childlike, group-reliant, hunter-gatherers.

Also known as Newborn Souls, these people are often perceived by others as being ignorant, childish and innocent to the complexities of life. Possessing a very simplistic understanding of life, and a genuinely guileless approach to the world, Newborn Souls find it hard to adapt to ‘civilized society’. Instead, they prefer familiar clans, tribes and groups of people in wild, untamed environments.

2. Baby Souls

Primary Focus: Belonging.
Lessons To Learn: Social structure, rules, roles, human relations.

Age Comparison: 4 – 13

Key Characteristics: Compliant, regimented, dutiful, role-defined, absolutist, proprietous, disciplined, traditional, strong values.

(This is where so many Church people are at and why I find them so immature)

Also known as Child Souls, these people seek to make meaning, order and stability out of the chaotic and uncertain nature of life. Perceived by other people as being clean, modest and rigid, Child Souls tend to be very conservative, religious and rule-bound. The Child Soul’s beliefs and senses of self are defined by their culture and traditional moral or religious system.

3. Young Souls

Primary Focus: Independence.

Lessons To Learn: Personal-advancement, free will, personal-achievement.

Age Comparison: 13 – 29

Key Characteristics: Ambitious, competitive, innovative, material gain, enterprise, freedom, individualism, self-centered, self expression.

(This is where most of the ‘success driven’ people in society are at and I see this is also immature and ego driven)

Also called Teenage Souls, these people often live by the maxim “my way or the highway”. The Teenage Soul, similar to an adolescent, seeks independence, social status and material gain. Essentially, these people are agents of change and are responsible for many of the greatest advancements in the world. Driven and externally focused, Teenage Souls tend to be “workaholics”.
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Emotional maturity progression.

This all explains a lot to me, and I see how it ties in with the stages of faith too.

It further validates how I have continually felt like I am surrounded my immaturity.

Being an old soul and one with deep empathy, is not easy.

But, now I understand more of who I am and how most won’t understand who I am, and all my ‘quirks’ that are actually about my maturity and wisdom level of the old soul in me, I am starting to accept myself far more.


I am really angry and I have a right to be. It is righteous anger.

I was abused by an associate church pastor. I did what was needed and told others, others who needed to know.

The only reason a formal investigation occurred, was because I had the guts to post the truth on this blog. My doctor didn’t believe this was the right thing to do at the time and made that very obvious, but it was what led to the formal complaint. So, I know it was the right and needed choice to force an outcome required. It would of all been kept hush hush otherwise.

A mediation occurred, where it became even more obvious to me, the narcissism of this man and his wife, who were only concerned about their image and narc rage clearly on display from the pastor and tears only for herself from the wife.

That led to a formal complaint. The formal complaint went ahead and dragged on for months. I told the three investigators the pastor was a liar, a narcissist, an abuser. I invited all these people into this situation to deal with it appropriately.

All the while, my anxiety and stress was massive, but I did it all anyway, because it was needed. I couldn’t walk away from it and ignore the abuse and the narcissism, which I knew would hurt more people. I knew the truth had to be spoken, no matter how much suffering, it caused me.

These people involved in dealing with all this, all consider themselves intelligent, mature and mature Christians. All will claim to know far more of the Bible than I do. Three of them know about psychology.

Yet they failed to listen to me, failed to understand the seriousness of what I was telling them. And they all collectively failed to deal with this situation appropriately.

That pastor had/has no remorse, no ownership of what he did, no conscience, no repentance. He lied, manipulated, projected, minimized and abused me further. Continue reading

Music is my huge escape. Music speaks the truth.

Music has always been a huge need in my life to cope.

I need music every day.

Music helps me block out all the crap that exists in this world.

A world I do not feel connected to in any way any more. And this disconnect is increasing.

I feel like I am floating above society, looking down thinking ‘really?!’.

I can’t handle this life any more and now I just disconnecting and withdrawing from it all the more.