Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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Poem – Hidden Tears, By Lilly Hope Lucario

 

Poem – Hidden Tears ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Hiding pain
From her loved ones
Waiting to be alone
So the tears can fall

Sometimes silently
Slipping down
Her cheeks, wet
Her mind, frozen

Sometimes deep pain
Released, sobbing
Torment, pain
Intensely felt
Continue reading


Sia – Eye of the Needle

“Eye Of The Needle”

Take me down
I’m feeling now
And if I move on
I admit you’re gone
And I ain’t ready
But I’ll hold steady
Yeah I’ll hold you
In my arms, in my arms
In my arms

And you’re locked inside my heart
And your melody’s an art
And I won’t let the terror in I’m stealing time
Through the eye of the needle

Step and repeat
Tears fall to the beat
Smile through the pain
Feel the acid rain
And I ain’t ready
But I’ll hold steady
Yeah I’ll hold you
In my arms, in my arms
In my arms
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I’m deeply homesick for, and ready to be where I belong.

I know in my heart, I am truly done with this life.

I’ve already been through so much, so many different types of abuse and abusers and I know I want out. I feel like an old woman who has lived her entire life, and is just ready to die and be with Jesus. And really after my life, I don’t feel it is unreasonable to feel this way.

So many ‘people’ have done a really amazing job of destroying my life. I am defeated and I’m sure that will make some very happy to know.

I have a purpose in raising my children. And I don’t want any other purpose anymore. A year ago, I had all these ideas and plans, but they become less and less of a need or desire.

I just want to be alone, in my thoughts, play my music, write, help some people where I can and keep away from anything which can cause me any more grief – which means people.

I’ve seen enough. I’ve felt enough. I’m tired. I’m old. I’m fading. I’m down and out.

And I have no desire to fight it anymore.


Acceptance of not expecting people, to be like myself.

I have spent a lifetime, being on the receiving end of being let down, hurt, betrayed by people.

I’ve had more than my fair share of this. So some presume my lack of trust in people, is my ‘issues’ due to so much abuse. I get why they assume this. Wrongly.

But, it isn’t just about the abuse. It is my deeper understand of humanity, seeing so much in people who haven’t abused me too.

People will always do what they need to do for themselves. It is very rare you will find someone who can move out of that selfish/egocentric need, who is willing to step into territory that could lead to big issues, but willing – due to emotional/spiritual courage and integrity. Continue reading


Love & relate to this song – Feel – Robbie Williams

“Feel”

Come and hold my hand
I wanna contact the living
Not sure I understand
This role I’ve been given
I sit and talk to God
And he just laughs at my plans
My head speaks a language
I don’t understand

I just wanna feel
Real love feel the home that I live in
Cos I got too much life
Running through my veins
Going to waste
I don’t wanna die
But I ain’t keen on living either
Before I fall in love
I’m preparing to leave her

Scare myself to death
That’s why I keep on running
Before I’ve arrived
I can see myself coming
I just wanna feel
Real love feel the home that I live in
Cos I got too much life
Running through my veins
Going to waste
And I need to feel
Real love and the love ever after
I can not get enough

I just wanna feel
Real love feel the home that I live in
I got too much love
Running through my veins
To go to waste Continue reading