Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

‘Honour thy father & mother’….even if abusers who harmed you greatly??..No.


Yes, this is one of the 10 commandments.

Honour means ‘hold in great esteem and high respect’.

This is based upon your parents being Christian/Godly parents, who act like parents. Not about parents who are abusers.

There is far too much abuse condoned in churches, based upon literal and immature interpretations of Bible verses.

I have a very abusive mother, who abused me and allowed me to be abused by men.

I have a birth father who completely abandoned me.

I had a step father who was an abuser within a circle of sexual abuser friends.

Collectively, these 3 people have destroyed my life. My life could have been very differently, had they have actually acted like ‘parents’.

Does anyone really believe that despite all the abuse and harm these 3 people have caused to me, that I should ‘honour’ them.

Does anyone really believe that God wants me to ‘honour’ people who have caused so much harm and abuse to me?

Does anyone really believe I should have nice thoughts about these people, and want them in my life, reconciliation, enforced forgiveness, or anything else many church people would suggest?

The only expectation God has of me, is to not hate them – which I don’t, to not want retribution – which I have never wanted for any of my abusers, and to leave their fate to Him – which I do.

I have actually gone further than this, and I have compassion for their mental health – although I do not in any way excuse the abuse, because it was still a ‘choice’ they made and they could have chosen not to abuse me. But, I accept they have very poor mental health and huge mental health disorder issues, and I don’t want that for them. I wish their lives could have been different, for them.

I have prayed for them and been in tears for their dark mind and dark hearts and prayed that they would somehow have eternal life with Jesus and I know that is not in my hands. I have prayed they will.

But, that is all I know I need to do and all that God requires of me.

And for anyone to state this is not enough, and that I am breaking one of the 10 commandments and God will in any way be angry or annoyed with me, well you don’t know the God I know. And your faith, if you are even worshipping the right God in the first place, is very immature.

I hate seeing all the abuse, emotional and spiritual abuse condoned and encouraged within churches.

Victims of abuse forced to have their abusers in their life, like abuser parents, stay in domestic violence marriages, ignore other abusers continuing, ignore ministers abusing people.

God does not in any way expect us to condone, ignore or endure abuse, from anyone.

God is pure love.

Pure love does not expect us to suffer at the hands of anyone else.

God does not expect us to ‘honour thy ABUSIVE father and mother’.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

5 thoughts on “‘Honour thy father & mother’….even if abusers who harmed you greatly??..No.

  1. God Bless You! You are a shining example of a child of God! I am so sorry you had to suffer so at the hands of those who are supposed to protect you. May God have mercy on their souls. My wish for you is that God hold you in his loving embrace and guides you on your journey to full recovery. You are an amazing compassionate woman, and I know you will find your way.

  2. I send you love and compassion as I know the pain you feel.

  3. Freaking awesome post. I love it. It’s true. I’m pretty sure that m
    People were not talking about abusive parents when that Commandment was chiseled into the tablets. Parents probably referred to people who honored and loved and nurtured children.