Complex PTSD and Shame…..one example I struggle with…
You know you have suffered complex trauma and have Complex PTSD when… You have sent an apology message to someone important in your life, who you have been emotional and overstepped boundaries with…
The shame starts setting in. And panic….. And then the ‘waiting for the response’ – feels like ‘punishment’.
When in all reality it isn’t, there could be many reasons for a delay in a response, including – why should they respond quickly? They are under no obligation to do so. I am not the centre of their life, in any way. And I don’t expect to be.
But, the stress and shame builds anyway. Emotional flashbacks, to being punished in childhood and made to feel shame, instead of empathy, no doubt.
Then you start thinking of all the many different outcomes – so you can be prepared for whatever may come – to protect yourself, and of course think of really bad outcomes, and the stress of that builds even more…
The anxiety, stress and PTSD increases more and the whole situation starts spiralling downwards….. Then I go further by starting to beat myself up more, and can end up hating myself. The inner critic telling me I deserve nothing but hurt, harm, being abandoned and do not deserve anything good. My inner child hurts.
I know exactly what happens to me, and why, but I still feel this way….. The good thing is, I can work out exactly what is happening and try to manage it.
Which is what I am doing now. Part of healing, is figuring out what is happening to us, and why. And try to have some self compassion – just as we would for someone else feeling this way.
If you relate to this at all, please know it is common after complex trauma and abuse.
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
I wrote this post of my page as I knew others would relate. Shame is a common issue after complex trauma.
I received this response (I’ve blocked out the name for sensitivity to the community member).
This response is exactly why I do this and why I share as much as I do – because it matters to others. It lets others know they are not alone in this.
It helps their healing. I can express in writing what I know many can’t express. So, my writing and sharing, which takes courage, helps people. And that is my passion.