Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Example of Complex PTSD & shame. And why I share as much as I do.


Complex PTSD and Shame…..one example I struggle with…

You know you have suffered complex trauma and have Complex PTSD when… You have sent an apology message to someone important in your life, who you have been emotional and overstepped boundaries with…

The shame starts setting in. And panic….. And then the ‘waiting for the response’ – feels like ‘punishment’.

When in all reality it isn’t, there could be many reasons for a delay in a response, including – why should they respond quickly? They are under no obligation to do so. I am not the centre of their life, in any way. And I don’t expect to be.

But, the stress and shame builds anyway. Emotional flashbacks, to being punished in childhood and made to feel shame, instead of empathy, no doubt.

Then you start thinking of all the many different outcomes – so you can be prepared for whatever may come – to protect yourself, and of course think of really bad outcomes, and the stress of that builds even more…

The anxiety, stress and PTSD increases more and the whole situation starts spiralling downwards….. Then I go further by starting to beat myself up more, and can end up hating myself. The inner critic telling me I deserve nothing but hurt, harm, being abandoned and do not deserve anything good. My inner child hurts.

I know exactly what happens to me, and why, but I still feel this way….. The good thing is, I can work out exactly what is happening and try to manage it.

Which is what I am doing now. Part of healing, is figuring out what is happening to us, and why. And try to have some self compassion – just as we would for someone else feeling this way.

If you relate to this at all, please know it is common after complex trauma and abuse.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario


I wrote this post of my page as I knew others would relate. Shame is a common issue after complex trauma.

I received this response (I’ve blocked out the name for sensitivity to the community member).

This response is exactly why I do this and why I share as much as I do – because it matters to others. It lets others know they are not alone in this.

It helps their healing. I can express in writing what I know many can’t express. So, my writing and sharing, which takes courage, helps people. And that is my passion.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

12 thoughts on “Example of Complex PTSD & shame. And why I share as much as I do.

  1. Thanks for sharing that…it explains alot…

  2. It’s the reason why I continue to write, too, despite fearing that others will find it too negative: Because when you’re in the midst of dealing with trauma of some kind, it helps to find someone else who’s been there and can express what you’re dealing with.

    • I’ve been accused of being negative and how only people ‘healed’ should write, so that it helps others know they can heal.

      Which I think is crap, because people need to know when they are going through hell and pain, that they are not alone.

      Keep writing and doing what you do – it matters and it’s needed!

      ❤ ❤

  3. Me, thats me! I am that person. I don’t want to need acceptance and love from those who still emotionally rob me of my will to live when I give them that power.

  4. Thank you so much for your blog!! I have been reading your posts both past and present for about three months now. I feel like you are in my head and heart and thoughts and speak the same things I am feeling. I am so glad I found your blog, it has helped me SO MUCH, thank you!! I have Complex-PTSD and am in the middle of a nasty divorce from a man who has Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder and is extremely narcissistic who has been gaslighting me and playing head games (emotional abuse and psychological manipulation, etc and physical abuse) and didn’t know this was terrorizing me for 20 years, because of my childhood and the toxic shame you talk about. I didn’t know what he was doing and ALWAYS thought it was MY fault and that something was wrong with ME, when in reality he was the evil one!! I am so screwed up because of him, and I already was but not like this and now I’m 40 years old and feel like I can’t cope with anything anymore, I’m overwhelmed by EVERYTHING and I am afraid of never being emotionally healthy ever again. I have that book by Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, John Bradshaw’s Healing The Shame That Binds You and between those books and your blog I found the answers to why I feel the way I do and what CAUSED the Complex PTSD. I don’t have many supportive, sensitive people in my life that have empathy or even understand what empathy is. I look forward to hearing from you and feel your pain and empathize TOTALLY with the things you say. THANK GOD I FOUND YOUR BLOG!!!!! Layla

  5. Reblogged this on pattyspathtohealing and commented:
    These were perfect words to describe how I felt when I realized where I had gone with my therapist last week. Just totally shamed for my neediness (interpreted by me) and my wanting attention when I wanted it.

  6. I have been listing to Dr Gabor Mate …has excellent video on shame. Here is how it starts…small child receives NO validation or love from parents. Because small child is Naturally narcissist small childs Thinks and feels there is something wrong with HIM> Small child Internalizes this treatment. Not able ,due to his age , to figure out his parent is a JACKASS…So fast forward to the future…..other people treat this now adult the same as parents treated him as child, and adult still think something wrong with HIM> GASLIGHTING

  7. In response to the article: Oh wow, yes, this is me. I have cptsd & am in therapy. I felt like giving up this last week, after peeling back another layer. I’m tired of the battle in my head for my life. I’m glad to read through your posts & find so many things I connect with, it makes me feel less crazy. Grounds me. Makes me feel less alone. So thank you for putting it all out in the open, I can hardly write a comment without it feeling unbearable after I hit send. But I want you to know how much it helps.