Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I feel re-victimised by church views about abuse.


I refuse to say ‘Christians’ anymore, when it comes to views about abuse.

I really feel like there is far too much emphasis on feeling sorry for abusers, and ‘well it’s tough tits’ really for victims. It’s almost like an attitude of ‘hey abuse happens, get over it’.

It’s interesting how they condone and enable abusers…..yet being a gay person – oh my! How terrible…

Perpetrator protecting is rife in churches. The miss-use and wrong interpretation of grace, compassion, forgiveness etc…is all about minimizing what abusers do – because ‘hey we all sin’.

And little concern as to the damage abuse causes and the onus is completely on the victim of abuse to just ‘quietly’ forgive, move on and preferably really quickly, otherwise you are a failure by their standards and ‘God will be angry’ because if you don’t forgive quickly – He won’t forgive you – coz it says so in the Bible. Such an immature view of what is meant by certain Bible verses.

There is also this fear of speaking up, disagreeing with ministers, disagreeing with doctrine and denominational rules/beliefs. Why?

Maintaining ‘peace’ seems to be a big issue too and those willing to step up and expose abuse are the trouble makers.

It drives me nuts.

Just because we all sin, is not an excuse or a licence for abuse to continue and not be dealt with.

The need for forgiveness (which can take a long time) does not negate the need to deal with abusers fully and appropriately.

I feel sometimes like I am being railroaded and mind controlled into minimizing the severity of abuse caused, and even in counselling – I receive more approval for that, than I ever do for actually stating how severe the abuse is and how they damn well know what they are doing, they just don’t fucking care, they do it anyway – and get away with it.

I don’t have an unreasonable attitude towards abusers. I read an article about paedophiles getting beaten up in prison and I didn’t like this at all. In fact, I cringed and shook my head and I ‘know’ this abuse to them is not okay. I don’t ‘want’ them hurt, beaten up etc. I believe they need to be kept from society and the internet, but not hurt. That’s just doing wrong, and harming another person is never okay, never justified.

But, this church/religious way of doing things, how they protect and enable abusers really pisses me off.

And I have over the last 2-3 years gone through a perfect example of this occurring. So it’s really on my mind right now, bothering me greatly.

Everyone collectively failed to deal with this appropriately, and really no-one gives a damn.

I do.

I am not called to be like other church people, I am called to be more like Jesus. Which includes needing spiritual courage, and includes not ignoring/enabling evil to occur.

But, I am not like most ‘Christians’. I don’t go by their rules, doctrines, fear induced passive ways.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

2 thoughts on “I feel re-victimised by church views about abuse.

  1. Hello, my name is Val & I am a survivor of extreme, repeated birth – 18 incest, home RA, SRA, government, and medical experimental, torture, mind control, … I am also a Christian. I was moved by your comments. I was blessed to become a Christian at a young age and have grown in faith, love, gentleness, kindness, humility, peace and such prior to then finding out that my family was WAY more fucked up than I ever knew. I understand what you were sharing about church. I love God, and his people, but church is a real touchy subject and a trigger for me. Once I learned about what happened to me (age 35) I told my pastor, our church leaders, friends and I was re-traumatized by the very people that I thought that I could count on doubted me, were afraid of me, not able to just be present with me, some judged me. I then left and took some time to lick my wounds from that. I was fortunate that a close girlfriend took charge of my support (I had no $, no insurance, no therapist to pay) and schedule and called a bunch of people that I knew and I was forced to trust some before I was really ready to. It was a mixed bag. She made sure that I had someone come over everyday. Some listened, offered comfort, cleaned my house, were open to try to understand, pray for me, take walks. That was SO helpful for the first several months as I was flooding and freaking out. After that, I visited a few different churches, and I suffered as a ginny pig, had some people try to “cast my alters out” as though they were demons, abandoned me, tried to put their agenda on me, dismissed me, you know. Now I have just a very few group of close friends and we are there for each other. It is more like a New Testament church such as Acts. I wish we had more time to share with each other, people are super busy where we live, the cost of living is high and most people are juggling a pretty complex life. But, not as complex as our CPTSD. Just wanted to let you know, I hear you, I feel you (slang), and I am out here both as your sister in suffering, as well as your spiritual sister. The Lord is always good! At the same time sometimes churches really suck! W/b if you want to. I would love to hear from you.
    Take extra good care of yourselves, and I hope you are doing well in the area of your faith, hope and love girlfriend. Keep looking up.

  2. “Everyone collectively failed to deal with this appropriately, and really no-one gives a damn.”

    That is right exactly… I caught on to this early, still in a matter of denial of the reality of it being abuse … and isolated from the church… It hurt a lot to have no one … but at this point i am glad i didn’t re-traumatize myself by trying. What i got were blank stares and “at least he’s not beating you”. Gah! Anyway… I’ve come along way in my own understanding… and it’s nice to see this being discussed!