Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Everyone failed as God’s people, corruption, more abuse occurred & was enabled.

It is becoming more and more clear to me and my husband (so this is not about ‘my issues’), that in the last 2 years of dealing with an abusive, lying, narcissistic pastor – everyone who became a part of this, failed.

Throughout this mess, there have been 3 counsellors, 3 investigators – one of whom was a psychologist, a senior pastor and the heads of the Baptist Church – all involved. All of whom will claim to be strong, mature, wise Christians.

What is clear and has been confirmed;

– This pastor is a liar. His wife admitted that. He admitted that.

– He deliberately broke many rules and carried out highly inappropriate actions, that his own senior pastor wasn’t even aware of, or his wife.

– He displayed highly narcissistic behaviour, clear narc rage/injury and many typical narc behaviours were used, denying, minimizing, lying, no empathy, no remorse, calling me ‘demonic’ – all at a mediation witnessed by two counsellor/doctors, and a senior pastor.

– It has been confirmed to me, that the belief after this was that this man and his wife were too immature to be in ministry and also needed marriage counselling.

– It has been confirmed to me that his behaviour is narcissism.

– Then the investigation took place – my doctor/counsellor who was at the mediation – confirmed in writing I had been abused and the investigators lied through their arses in the report – saying the ‘mediation was poorly conducted and did not benefit anyone concerned’ – which was outright lies, total crap and something they have NO right to state – because they were not there and this is so obviously LIES to cover up this pastors behaviours.
Continue reading


Numb, but I do acknowledge I nearly died yesterday.

I’ve been avoiding this all day and I can’t process my emotions about this, because I know if I ‘go there’ – the shame, guilt and self hatred will kick in.

I know I didn’t plan it, but I was having a very bad day, with overwhelming realisations that cause me great pain. I’m aware in a numb kind of way, the fact that it was a non planned, just a sudden need to end it, is probably worse. Because it could have happened so easily.

I am aware my zoning out stuff, is great to not ‘feel’ – but not good if I am likely to be impulsive, without the capacity to necessarily stop. Continue reading

Beautiful song – Don’t Bring Me Down ~ Sia


Don’t Bring Me Down ~ Sia

Faint light of dawn
I’m listening to you
Breathing in and breathing out
Needing nothing

You’re honey dipped
You are beautiful
Floating clouds, soft world
I can’t feel my lips

I’m going down
I don’t want to change
I’m going down
Going down the drain

Don’t bring me down
I beg you
Don’t bring me down
I won’t let you
Don’t bring me down Continue reading

Cognitive Dissonance, I realise this is a huge society & Christianity issue.

Perfect example = spanking.

Masses of evidence to prove this is abuse, damaging to a child physically, mentally, emotionally, proof in psychology, in neuroscience and no evidence to support it as an appropriate discipline method.

Yet, many will say ‘well it was done to me and I’m okay’.

And Christians will cling to a few Bible verses, misinterpreted, or literally interpreted – when they weren’t meant to be, and keep on abusing their children. Selective Bible verse abuse of sociopathic/narcissistic church attenders.

Following a conversation with a Christian mental health professional, who agreed that 90% of people – Christians included, need therapy, I would also say 90% of people have cognitive distortions, like cognitive dissonance.

Although for many who are such big fans of spanking and taking belts to children/teenagers, there will also be other mental health factors, like sociopath traits, narcissism etc. They ‘like’ using harsh physical discipline and have no empathy. And they will all keep fooling themselves and enable each other and sucking others into the evil of child abuse.