Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Everyone failed as God’s people, corruption, more abuse occurred & was enabled.


It is becoming more and more clear to me and my husband (so this is not about ‘my issues’), that in the last 2 years of dealing with an abusive, lying, narcissistic pastor – everyone who became a part of this, failed.

Throughout this mess, there have been 3 counsellors, 3 investigators – one of whom was a psychologist, a senior pastor and the heads of the Baptist Church – all involved. All of whom will claim to be strong, mature, wise Christians.

What is clear and has been confirmed;

– This pastor is a liar. His wife admitted that. He admitted that.

– He deliberately broke many rules and carried out highly inappropriate actions, that his own senior pastor wasn’t even aware of, or his wife.

– He displayed highly narcissistic behaviour, clear narc rage/injury and many typical narc behaviours were used, denying, minimizing, lying, no empathy, no remorse, calling me ‘demonic’ – all at a mediation witnessed by two counsellor/doctors, and a senior pastor.

– It has been confirmed to me, that the belief after this was that this man and his wife were too immature to be in ministry and also needed marriage counselling.

– It has been confirmed to me that his behaviour is narcissism.

– Then the investigation took place – my doctor/counsellor who was at the mediation – confirmed in writing I had been abused and the investigators lied through their arses in the report – saying the ‘mediation was poorly conducted and did not benefit anyone concerned’ – which was outright lies, total crap and something they have NO right to state – because they were not there and this is so obviously LIES to cover up this pastors behaviours.

Clearly corruption has occurred. And this has been confirmed to me also as correct.

So all the while – more abuse is occurring to me.

And yet NO-ONE stepped up to deal with this.

No-one stepped up to help me.

Everyone wanted me to just forget about and move on.

Everyone was happy and okay to let all this clear corruption and lies continue, and a whole church get lied to and now another church will be led by a man others know to be narcissistic, lying, corrupt, abusive wolf, masquerading as a pastor.

And now he has been promoted. 100% proof of failure by all of them.

Everyone failed in this – every single ‘Christian’ involved and I have no doubt none, will own that.

They will all make excuses, justifications, use cheap grace, apathy, blame others and say they couldn’t do what was needed, because of the limits of their role etc.

Sorry – that doesn’t wash with me – we are all meant to be Christians

first and foremost and that requires NOT allowing evil to occur

and not doing jack shit to stop it and it is even more evil to enable it.

And why am I the only one, that cares about what will happen to others and another church will be lied to, deceived, manipulated and harmed?

I am done, with taking responsibility, for the failures and sins of others, and feeling overly responsible for things, because others fail. I did my part. I went through hell, to do what I needed to do.

I spoke up, because the truth needed exposing. I did what was needed and brought ‘mature’ Christians into this, to deal with it.

And now, this wolf, is a senior pastor. Because everyone failed.

Failed God.


Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

4 thoughts on “Everyone failed as God’s people, corruption, more abuse occurred & was enabled.

  1. Wow. So Passionate but I must have missed something on what happened.

    • Whilst very unwell, I was groomed in a sexual manner by a church pastor, and then spiritually and emotionally abused throughout the last two years, due to his lies.

      My doctor confirmed in writing it was abuse.

      That got ignored too.

      • Wow. No action being taken against him? My own brother was in a similar situation by a priest who groomed him as he grew up and when he became an adult he was so disgusted by it all he took his own life and left me a letter telling all. Nobody wanted to take any action against the priest. Very sad.

  2. TJ Petri – I am so deeply sorry that happened to your brother. Abuse should never occur within churches and especially child abuse.

    I am so deeply sorry for your loss.

    This happens all too often, that abusers in churches are enabled to abuse people, and the victims get a life sentence, and sadly this is so overwhelmingly painful for many, they end up dying.

    I don’t understand how this is allowed as much as it is within Christianity. It’s like they are all mind controlled to just accept this occurs and not to speak up or deal with it.

    Victims are just pressured into forgiving and told to keep quiet and worse – treated so badly if they do speak up.

    Sadly, abusive people ‘know’ they will be protected within churches – so of course they will be attracted to them all the more.

    It is disgusting, evil and for every single ‘Christian’ involved, in enabling it, ignoring it etc, their actions are as bad as the abusers, and it is evil at work.

    I am very passionate about this – as I see clearly as someone who had not been raised within churches – to see this clearly and I hate knowing this goes on so much.