Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Numb, but I do acknowledge I nearly died yesterday.


I’ve been avoiding this all day and I can’t process my emotions about this, because I know if I ‘go there’ – the shame, guilt and self hatred will kick in.

I know I didn’t plan it, but I was having a very bad day, with overwhelming realisations that cause me great pain. I’m aware in a numb kind of way, the fact that it was a non planned, just a sudden need to end it, is probably worse. Because it could have happened so easily.

I am aware my zoning out stuff, is great to not ‘feel’ – but not good if I am likely to be impulsive, without the capacity to necessarily stop.

I stayed more mindful today when going out to do the school pick up today. I know I focus on this far better when my children are with me. It’s when I am on my own, that is the issue.

I have to manage it better when on my own too. Somehow.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

7 thoughts on “Numb, but I do acknowledge I nearly died yesterday.

  1. Glad you are still here and I can understand how hard it is, but just know that you have people that support you, even though I am a bit new around your blog.

  2. Great post. ((cyberhugs))

  3. Amazingly frank post – thank you!

  4. hello there Lilly, so many times I read your posts and as I always say, I am so proud of you for your strength dear. So glad you are still with us. I know we are strangers on the web-but you would be missed as if you were my closest physical friend ❤ keep the faith, there are many out here in the internet sphere who feel the vibes that you share, some may not post their thoughts, but many – like me – are with you in spirit. (big survivor hugs) @twilight7609