Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


From OCD/Organised – to Procrastination & everything at the last minute..Why?

A post to my page…

Do you procrastinate, leave everything to last minute?

I do this a lot now. I never used. I used to be Miss Organised/OCD and had everything in my life hyper-organised and never left anything to the last minute.

It’s like I have now gone to the other extreme – everything gets put off, left until the last possible minute – often creating me more stress!

What’s up with that??!

Does anyone relate and anyone have any ideas why this has become a behaviour?

This interestingly, but not surprisingly lead to quite a few saying the same has happened to them. So definitely part of this journey for many.

I think it may be about the trauma responses changing from ‘Flight’ (OCD) – to ‘Freeze’ (dissociate/avoid).

A link to show the responses https://www.facebook.com/HealingFromComplexTraumaAndPTSDAndCPTSD/posts/696899403730150?comment_id=697030497050374&offset=0&total_comments=18&notif_t=feed_comment


I hate these overwhelming realisations I get.

Sometimes things just hit me like a tonne of bricks.

No-one, is ever going to truly believe me about anything, because my PTSD/past, gives them the perfect excuse, scapegoat, not to.

No-one, is ever going to understand, or comprehend my discernment, about people, about situations.

No-one, is ever going to understand a trauma history like mine.

No-one, is ever going to understand how doubting me in any way – is abusive and wrong and painful and hurts so badly, because I have had this my entire life.
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Not being believed – still occurring, still trauma, still abuse.

I mentioned this in counselling today. I saw a different counsellor to my usual one, as she is away.

I have had a lifetime, of dealing with people’s non belief about what I say about trauma/abuse. Had this from childhood onwards. It is abuse, deep abuse.

To not be believed, when you have a trauma history like mine, with as much denial, minimizing, scapegoating, lies, non belief, ignoring etc, as I have had….cuts like a knife.

When it’s the same people, like family, I accept they will never change and have moved on.

But, when it’s people in your life who you need to believe you ‘now’, it’s pretty hard and very re-traumatising. And of course they will just say it’s my emotions due to the past. Not able to face that ‘they’ are the ones causing this abuse/trauma now. Even if unintentionally.

I am allowed to be angry and annoyed about this. I don’t need anyone’s permission. They were wrong. They should have believed me. They didn’t. They made a choice not to. Mostly to keep their lives easier, I am under no illusion as to why.

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I am every immature church persons…..nightmare….especially for the men.

I realise that my challenging of so much I see within churches, is a freakin’ nightmare for many.

Especially all those who have been brought up in churches – where as children they are forced to have blind obedience and submission and of course ‘women must keep quiet’.

I do see, I am very problematic to all these deceived people, stuck at a very immature level of faith – at stage 3, where most will remain all their lives, very evidently leading to these mind controlled, sheep like people, who don’t challenge, don’t question, just accept, believe what they are told, like docile sheep.

stages_of_faith

I see the fact that I challenge the mind controlled issues many have, is very unusual to them – and they will not like this and I won’t create many friends.

But, you know, my faith, is the most important part of my life and I don’t intend to compromise that – to make friends with deluded, deceived church people.

I am way beyond that and just because they can’t understand that – is not my issue – it is theirs and it is their sin, to not challenge themselves and their thinking.

I know a ‘woman’ challenging men in conservative, right wing churches – is such a huge issue to them!!! Poor darlings, I know their ego’s get hurt by that and it threatens their need to be dominant and be ‘the man’. Continue reading