This morning, my youngest son was having his school cross country carnival, and it’s his first one as he started school this year.
He was also picked out of 700’ish students, to be one of 20 children that would do the ‘opening relay’ at the beginning.
So, I was there with my camera etc. If there is anything that will get me out of the house, it is my children ❤
I talked with some nice Mum's who are always friendly and that was nice and something I rarely do, due to anxiety. Had a coffee with them, enjoyed some typical 'mum' chat and watched my son do the relay – which was so cute as he was the littlest involved – he looked so adorable with his little legs running as fast as they could ❤
I left after the relay, because I couldn't stay the whole day and even though it went okay, by the time I got back in the car – after only one hour – I was covered in hives, from head to toes. I literally had them on my toes/feet.
My anxiety issues are pretty bad
But, I did it and made myself chat and be social and I did enjoy it. So I felt quite happy that I pushed myself. I know I need to consider doing this more – chatting with people, about normal daily life stuff. I'm going to need to think about something to do that is non trauma/non abuse/non PTSD related, to have some balance. To actually have something nice, for me. I would like to do craft again, in a group, as I enjoy that. Or maybe join a book club.
And I know that from now on, I won’t be talking about my past, my PTSD, with anyone and I don’t want to mix with church people.
I have learned the very hard, painful way, that doing any of that is a really bad idea. The most I will ever tell anyone from now on, is I have anxiety. I will NEVER give anyone the opportunity to treat me like shit again, treat me like I don’t have intelligence, or use anything as an excuse to abuse me ever again.
I will be protecting all that, from others, at all costs from now on.