Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

“Forgive & Forget” – I always knew this was wrong & it is narcissist behaviour.



I see so clearly how this is a typical narcissistic trait – it gives abusive people the perfect way to abuse others and then demand you just forgive and forget – with no consequences to the behaviour.

I see clearly how church people/religious people LOVE to use this to do as they wish, have no consequences to their behaviour, have no repentance and put the full responsibility on the person hurt – to do the forgiving – and call them a bad Christian if they don’t.

Abusive religious people love cheap grace and demanding forgiveness – with no repentance. And projecting blame onto the victims. And telling you, you are wrong to feel angry about the abuse/lies you have endured.

I’ve known since I was a child, that people not dealing with their behaviours appropriately, is wrong.

My step father had the typical abusive trait of saying “Do as I say, not as I do”. In other words he could do what he wanted that was wrong – but I couldn’t and I would get punished. I would be in the wrong. As I was often, being the family scapegoat – another narcissist behaviour.

I knew so much that was wrong when I was a child/teenager. I have always had that wise old soul part of me, that deals in reality and truth – something so many adults, can never manage.

I find it very sad, that so many grown adults, cannot own their issues, their sins, their abusive behaviours. And narcissists never will.





Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

6 thoughts on ““Forgive & Forget” – I always knew this was wrong & it is narcissist behaviour.

  1. I see where you are coming from but I think you have part of this somewhat misunderstood. The church teaches forgiveness. It does not teach that we forget. In fact it teaches that just because you forgive someone it does not relieve them of prosciutto for their actions. It also say you don’t have to have further contact with them. The forgiveness you give serves to give you peace. It also is the only way you can come before God and ask for forgiveness. This was a hard lesson for me to hear and to accept. I was abused for seventeen years. When the law didn’t work all I could think of was revenge. It was destroying my life. If you’ve been dealing with abusive religious people then you have not been dealing with religious people.

    • Yes, I became aware I was dealing with church people, not Christians throughout all the spiritual abuse I have endured over the last 2 years.

      Forgiveness, is something that can take a very long time, and that is between the victim and God and no-one else can put a timeframe on that – and yet many church people do.

      It can take a lifetime to forgive and no-one can judge that, only God.

      And not having forgiveness, does not mean all victims are wanting revenge or wanting bad things to occur to the abusers. I have never had revengeful thoughts.

      It isn’t a simple case of the black and white view of either hatred/revenge….or forgiveness. There is a whole range of grey area in between those two ends of the continuum.

  2. Pingback: Tracy's Screaming Was Like This and It Frightened Me - Nyssa's Hobbit Hole

  3. Reblogged this on Blog Of A Mad Black Woman and commented:
    “I find it very sad, that so many grown adults, cannot own their issues, their sins, their abusive behaviours. And narcissists never will.” ~ Healing From Complex Trauma and PTSD/CPTSD

  4. I just did a repress on abuse and though it found your wonderful blog. Following.