Thinking I need to re-organise my whole life.

August 14, 2014 by Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD 4 Comments

 

I have been through hell this last few years. I have nearly lost my life, been abused, been let down by people I needed to help me, when I could least afford it.

I have processed a huge amount about my past and it has nearly killed me too.

My life has far too much darkness in it, far too much of the darker sides of humanity, I have endured over decades, by way too many people.

I have endured religious abuse repeatedly – still am as people continue lying, denying, minimizing and making me feel more shame.

I know I am absolutely over organised Christianity and all those in it. I am progressed past all that.

I know I am absolutely over abusive religious attitudes about abuse, about abusers, their perpetrator protecting, their spiritual abuse and all their massive issues I see clearly.

I am done being around people who seek to bring me down and don’t want to help/support me.

I am done being around people who put pressure on me to be like them – when I know what they are – is wrong and unhealthy and further abuses, survivors of abuse.

I want to around people who wish to be kind, caring.

I want friends who don’t know about my past, my PTSD, so I don’t get wrongly judged and treated like I am a freak who has no opinion and as soon as I disagree with them, they blame my past/PTSD – which is abusive.

I want to focus on being where I am not hurt.

I want to re-consider my current social media I share at, and think about where my time is better spent.

I want to get on with writing and finding contacts about writing my book and getting that out there.

I want to seek counselling that is not religiously led and avoid all those unhealthy issues I know are wrong.

I want a life.

I want to stop feeling shamed and hurt and let down, as I have done over the last 2 years, as well as so much of my life prior to that.

And I know, it’s up to me to sort this out and find all this.