I am in my healing journey, trying to process, grieve and heal severe complex trauma.
I am also an empath, meaning I absorb people’s emotions, good and bad. I’ve always been this way, because I learned to very skilfully read people, young. I was an adult in my childhood, due to parentification abuse, having to be my mothers caretaker and the mother to my sisters. I also learned deep emotions very young, due to so much abuse and needing to worry and parent my sisters.
The biggest downside of being an empath, is I pick up and absorb other people’s negative moods and I also sense what is causing them.
Like just now with my husband. He’s in one of his moody, feels ‘hard done’ by, grumpy, projecting – by complaining about issues in others – that he himself is more guilty of. He’s sullen, snappy and I know he’s winding me up, only because he is in a bad mood. When I respond, I receive back the highly immature ‘whatever’ complete with teenager attitude, which annoys me all the more. FFS grow up. Then, as per usual – once he’s wound me up, oh he then doesn’t ‘want’ to speak anymore and I get the silent treatment. My ‘narc radar’ now on full alert, red flags had been popping up in every word he utters, all his body language, his facial reactions, the tone in his voice and now the sullen silence – all so evident of the regression into that of a teenager. Typical narcissism because he’s tired and he becomes ‘all about me’. ‘Entitled’ to annoy and wind everyone else up. Which many people act like when tired, especially men, who are more prone to narcissism, as per psychology.
Due to all my knowledge of narcissism etc, from personal experience and psychology insight, plus my deep dislike of this behaviour – when he does this, it really pisses me off. I tried ignoring him, but he continued. So I told him calmly I knew what he was doing, and he can keep his narcissism to himself, which of course made it worse and now he’s flounced off to bed. With the dramatic ‘I’m going to bed!’. While I am muttering in my head ‘thank fuck for that’. Of course, he cannot stay and have a mature conversation and OMG he cannot possibly admit, he is acting like a teenager. And I know better than to even try and talk to him anymore when he’s tired. Once that immature ego had taken over, there is nothing that will successfully make it see sense.
There was a time I would have gone after him and continued the argument, because ‘how dare he wind me up because he is in a bad mood’. Now, I just let him go. It’s just how he is when tired. He’ll get over it and sleep it off.
I was in a fairly good mood today, and then someone else’s bad mood, and their narcissism swoops in, irritates me badly and my mood plummets.
Now I’m sad.
Absorbing other people’s moods, is hard to deal with, on top of all my own internal hurt and pain I am trying to manage.
Add to this on 18/08/14, I read this post to my husband the next morning. He admitted this is exactly what he does and he knows this. It is good he can admit it. But, he also has a lack of caring about this and pretty much has no drive to change. More entitlement to do what he does. Little conscience. Which bothers me too.
I am aware, even for those who know their own behaviours are not okay, and know they affect other, there is little concern about changing, growing or maturing past this.