Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

We are all at different levels of conscious awareness. And it’s lonely, when awakened.


“We are all in different levels of conscious awareness.

It is rare to find people willing and capable of exploring their inner world, their subconscious, what drives their behaviours and emotions. Most never analysing if they are cognitively distorted and requiring the needed maturity and wisdom of growth.

Most people are only aware of their superficial conscious thoughts and needs and remain that way, all their lives.”

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Nice to have Christians acknowledge my work. Not that I think I am a ‘world changer’.

I checked before replying to this tweet, that this wasn’t something this Christian Twitter account say to everyone. And they don’t. They also have many more followers than I do, so they are not looking for followers from my account, to boost theirs.

You can’t trust anyone you tweet with on twitter ūüėČ

I am thankful, they seem genuine and are inspired by my work. I have humility to know, I am not a world changer, but I am happy to create a few ripples.

I’m always shocked when Christians support me. I guess it seems weird after all the abuse from so many claiming to be Christians, over the last few years.

I’m aware, all the ones I have been abused by, are not representative of every Christian. But, I know enough about all the abuse that occurs in churches, to be very wary.

But, I am willing to take kind words from those I don’t know and be willing to accept them as genuine.


Love -v- Rescue. I know I have had issues with this.

This often doesn’t stop after childhood either and the victim/child, who was conditioned into this, will continue this throughout adulthood with others.

I’ve done this, I did it in my first marriage. I kept forgiving and therefore, enabling his abuse to me. He was a narc, and an alcoholic and gambling addict to boot. I was abused in many ways – emotionally, physically, financially (I paid all the bills so he could use his for booze and betting). He was always going to ‘change’, and never did. I felt overly responsible for ‘rescuing’ him and guilty if I ‘gave up’ and him and he would pile on the emotional abuse, to make me feel guilty.

I have had a lot of experience of dealing with narcs and how they behave and all their abusive ways.

This is why I do NOT believe in ‘just showing compassion and forgiving’ narcissists, because it is enabling them and it is dangerous with an unrepentant narcissist.

This is why I have issues with some foolish church people’s approach and assuming cheap grace for a narc, is okay. It isn’t. It is dangerous. Continue reading

There’s many people need to realise this. It’s dangerous to trust an unrepentant narcissist.

It sends a very bad message to a narc.

Not also affects not just their current victim, but future ones too.

It sends the message to the narc, they got away with it, and can keep doing it.

And they love that. Like a child.

It encourages them, it enables them.

I’ve seen this happen many times, by fools who don’t see this.

But, sadly more victims occur, which is not okay.

My new smart phone saga. I don’t like change…and why.

I have been very happy with my old, unfashionable, mobile phone. It does what I need it to do, calls and messages.

My husband upgraded our phones, as we had come to the end of the 2 yr contract. He has a smart phone already. My strict instructions on this matter were – I only want a smart phone, if I can go back to using my old phone, if I can’t get¬†used to it.¬†I will attempt to embrace change, but I ‘must’ have a get out, if I can’t cope. Hmmm sounds familiar about patterns of behaviour throughout my life.

My husband agreed to this – I made sure he was listening and not just yessing and nodding, as men do, when all they are hearing from their wife is ‘blah blah blah’.¬†Off to the shop he went, came back with two shiny new smart phones. He’s all excited and I’m looking at mine, probably with the same expression as most have when having to go to the dentist. Excited? Not.

My husband decided to ‘sort out the contacts’ etc. And stuffed it up. He starts getting irritated, which is not what I need, when I already don’t even know how to get into the bloody phone. Which way am I meant to swipe? FFS…

My husband continues on with his little battle of him Рv Рthe new phones, trying to work them out. I am sat with my headphones on, listening to music, trying to ignore him and his irritation. Finally he sorts it out. Phew, thank goodness for that.

Then he hits me with the bad news. “Oh, and you can’t use your old phone now, the sim cards are different and the new one, won’t fit in your old phone.”

‘WHAAAAAT!!!’ This was NOT WHAT I AGREED TO!!!! I am not amused. In fact, that is huge understatement. GRRRRR!!! Continue reading