Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Consider why an abuse survivor, is criticising another, for the way they are healing ~ Lilly Hope Lucario


~~~ Don’t criticise someone’s else’s journey being different ~~~

There are different ways people handle their trauma and healing.

1. Moving on from processing.

I think there comes a point in healing, where it does become about finding more things in life to be positive about and focus on. I believe this is after all the processing of the trauma, and grieving.  I think some are at this stage and this is wonderful. It can take many years, decades even, to get to this point. But, this is the goal of healing.

2. Still processing and grieving the trauma.

I think many are at this stage and that ‘is’ okay and no-one should feel bad about that, at all. It is a process and it takes time and no-one can judge that timeframe.

3. Not dealing with processing/grieving fully, or at all.

I also think some people spend their lives suppressing some or all the pain and trauma and are forcing themselves to focus on only good things and if that is what someone needs to do, that is okay too. But telling others they should also do this, is not okay. Because doing this, is not healing.

I’m not going to judge what anyone else needs to do.

But, what I don’t like, is when people criticise and judge others, who are in a different point in their healing, or what they are doing to heal/cope, or how long it each journey takes.

Sometimes, survivors don’t even realise they are doing No 3, so don’t understand how painful fully processing all the trauma is, or what the grieving feels like. The reason for the suppression, or denial, can be shame, fear, incapacity – many reasons.

Sadly, these will be some of the people who then judge others, accusing others of ‘dwelling’ or ‘acting like victims’….when in all reality – they haven’t dealt with their own trauma. Which is ‘why’ they will judge others. If they had dealt with their own, they ‘wouldn’t’ judge or criticise anyone else.

I have insight into why people put other survivors of abuse down and need to hurt them/be mean etc.

We are all different, and more need to realise this and if there were less judgment about other people’s healing, it would support survivors of abuse far more.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle.

4 thoughts on “Consider why an abuse survivor, is criticising another, for the way they are healing ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

  1. I had a therapist one time tell me “there is no normal way to react to trauma or heal and there is no normal ‘type’ of victim.” She said this to me because I had been sexually abused as a child and never received help for it… but then at that point had just been raped in college. The cops told me they thought I had “just had sex and regretted it” because I was “not acting like a normal rape victim.” I had always avoided dealing with my feelings related to trauma = especially sexual trauma after what happened to me when I was a kid though and I hadn’t even wanted to report the rape, someone else I knew that I had told reported it. I was so upset and felt so alone when they told me this. It brought me back to being a kid when I was told by my abuser that no one would believe me. Anyway, that kind of went on a tangent…. this post is so important because with abuse of any kind — there is no normal for anyone. Everyone deals with it differently, everyone heals in their own time in their own way. And as you said, no one should be comparing anyone or criticizing anyone for how they choose to do it.

    • Marie, I am so sorry you endured sexual abuse as a child and an adult. And I am also so sorry you not believed and invalidated and emotionally abused further with the non belief❤

      I know how painful this is. I understand how the pain of non belief in adulthood, is devastating enough and also triggers flashbacks from the childhood abuse too.

      The non belief I have recently gone through in the last 2 years, has been devastating enough, as it will. It is trauma by itself. Combined with the lifetime of non belief about all the other abuse in my life, feels beyond bearable some days.

      I agree with your completely, everyone copes and heals in their own way and no-one should be criticising others. I hate when I hear people say someone is 'dwelling' or 'acting the victims' or choosing to not 'move on' and those kinds of abusive comments.

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