There are different ways people handle their trauma and healing.
1. Moving on from processing.
I think there comes a point in healing, where it does become about finding more things in life to be positive about and focus on. I believe this is after all the processing of the trauma, and grieving. I think some are at this stage and this is wonderful. It can take many years, decades even, to get to this point. But, this is the goal of healing.
2. Still processing and grieving the trauma.
I think many are at this stage and that ‘is’ okay and no-one should feel bad about that, at all. It is a process and it takes time and no-one can judge that timeframe.
3. Not dealing with processing/grieving fully, or at all.
I also think some people spend their lives suppressing some or all the pain and trauma and are forcing themselves to focus on only good things and if that is what someone needs to do, that is okay too. But telling others they should also do this, is not okay. Because doing this, is not healing.
I’m not going to judge what anyone else needs to do.
But, what I don’t like, is when people criticise and judge others, who are in a different point in their healing, or what they are doing to heal/cope, or how long it each journey takes.
Sometimes, survivors don’t even realise they are doing No 3, so don’t understand how painful fully processing all the trauma is, or what the grieving feels like. The reason for the suppression, or denial, can be shame, fear, incapacity – many reasons.
Sadly, these will be some of the people who then judge others, accusing others of ‘dwelling’ or ‘acting like victims’….when in all reality – they haven’t dealt with their own trauma. Which is ‘why’ they will judge others. If they had dealt with their own, they ‘wouldn’t’ judge or criticise anyone else.
I have insight into why people put other survivors of abuse down and need to hurt them/be mean etc.
We are all different, and more need to realise this and if there were less judgment about other people’s healing, it would support survivors of abuse far more.
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
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