Been homesick for this, my entire life.

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

To have a heart that isn’t filled with so much pain.

To have anyone understand my soul. I accept, this is not going to happen.

It isn’t reality. Painful. But, I need to accept it.

The homesick part, is because I have never had a home, where I am understood, where I belong.

I don’t feel like I belong anywhere, never have. I don’t ‘belong’ in this society I live in. I think it is partly self abandoning, which I read about in Pete Walkers book.

I dream daily, about my home with Jesus, in the future, where I will have an eternal home and feel no more pain.

It’s the ultimate ‘something to look forward to’.

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My son’s empathic heart.

I am re-blogging this, to remind me of the good things about my parenting.
I teach my children empathy and reaching out to people who need help, who need someone to be kind.
It is important to me, my children learn empathy.
The world needs far more of it.
Empathy and wisdom.

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

After spending time earlier upset then numb, due to not being the mother I want to be for my children…

My son told me this evening his teacher is putting his name down to be considered for student of the year, for being so kind often to a boy who is being bullied a lot.

I cried. I am such a sook. To know my children are growing with the one thing I want them to have the most – empathy – is so heart warming for me.

My son was bullied at a former junior school, for a few years and due to anxiety and the school dealing with it badly, we had to change schools and my son was instantly a much happier child and continued to be for the remaining 3 years of junior school.

The high school he started at this year, has a lot of…

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Dealing with those voices from the past. Still affecting my life. Still causing shame, guilt, self hatred.

Had some good advice on Facebook today, I was very thankful for. ‘Do something nice with my boys, over the weekend, away from noise and all the things I can’t handle, and spend quality time with them.’

My boys love this and it will help my deal with my failure today of not staying to see my son in his parade, resulting in feeling so low. My son told me at school pick up, he didn’t even know whether I was there or not. So I told him I stayed for a little bit, but then felt unwell and had to go. And he was totally okay about that, skipping along next me, happily chattering away, as he does in his very cute and charming 5 year old way. 

I do know my emotions and thoughts this morning, were clearly unwarranted, with regard to how my son felt about it…I realise my emotions and thoughts are deeply routed in my complex trauma core wounds of shame, inflicted by all the abusers in my life.

But, I’m going to take the advice given and I will spend quality time, with activities I am able to do, activities my children love and this will be quality time.

Sensitive, tortured souls, are those who seek to help the broken hearted, forgotten & misunderstood.

This deeply resonated with me. And I knew it would with others, so I shared it on my social media.

Breaks my heart, to know how many tortured souls, like me, feel the pain I feel. And like me, need the most love, but often never receiving that depth of love their hurt souls, desperately seek.