Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Those suppressing/avoiding their own trauma, should not be preaching this is needed for all.



I understand fully why people suppress their trauma. I did this for 20 years. It was too unsafe, I was too alone to deal with it.

So I did what society tells people to do – got over it, moved on, never looked back. Or at least tried my absolute best. Even my own husband did not know the details of my trauma for 10 years. Proof that I did not talk about it. I lived a highly functioning, capable life. I was suppressing all my trauma.

This for me, was the worst thing to do, but it was all I was capable of at that time, and that’s okay.

I realise for many, this is what they will do all their lives. And that’s okay too. Some can’t delve into their own trauma, their own minds and souls. And for some – to do that would kill them. It has nearly killed me, doing this.

So, I have complete compassion for anyone else doing this. It does feel a far safer place to be – suppressing and avoiding it all. Focussing on the good. Finding the positives, counting your blessings and just striving for as good a life as is possible.

I really do 100% understand this and if that is what someone needs to do all their life, I understand and I will not judge.

What I don’t like – is when people doing this – telling everyone else this is what they ‘should’ be doing. Judging others.

And I definitely don’t like it when some of these people then accuse others of ‘dwelling in their trauma’. or ‘acting the victim’, or suggesting the time span of this person being in a painful processing/grieving stage – is too long.

Some people suggest trauma survivors are ‘choosing’ to dwell.

Who has any right to make such claims?

And even if it ‘appears’ that person is – there will be reasons.

And no-one else truly knows those reasons because they are not in that survivors mind.

Maybe, they are processing their trauma on a deeper level? No-one can assume their own processing, is the deepest possible, or the deepest needed.

Maybe the person doesn’t have the skills and inner strength needed to move through this as quickly as others? Maybe their depression, or other psychological reasons, are too great to cope with? And that survivor is suffering.

Maybe that person will need considerable time to process and grieve? And that survivor is suffering.  

All our journey’s are different and no two are the same.

This is where empathy and compassion comes in and sadly many don’t have this.

So they preach at others and condemn them for being weak.

Making that survivor suffer even more.

Don’t do this to people. Please.

I always know when dealing with someone who has no empathy or compassion. They use phrases like ‘acting the victim’, ‘victim mentality’, ‘drama queen’, ‘dwelling’ and all the other phrases used to make others feel weaker.

Please remember – you do not know the path someone else has walked, the pain they have felt, or what is in their mind.

So, you have no judgment of how they are continuing to walk their path.

And if you do consider yourself to be entitled to ‘judge’ others and criticise their journey – you need to reign in that ego, and learn to develop some empathy. And more importantly, keep quiet.

You do not have a right, to hurt someone else, already suffering.



Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

5 thoughts on “Those suppressing/avoiding their own trauma, should not be preaching this is needed for all.

  1. It is irritating, frustrating, and hurtful, no doubt. I am glad for members of my family (extended, family of origin) that are starting to realize this… and still ache terribly for those that don’t, and won’t. This was among the many reasons why I left Facebook– because it hurt so bad to see relatives shutting their eyes not just to my pain, but to the pain I saw in them.

  2. No one should be preaching to anyone about how to deal with their trauma. We’re all different. On the other hand, no one (including trauma survivors) should preach that anyone else is *obligated* to focus on their issues, other than their therapist. For example, there’s a woman who frequently posts videos delving into her dark disturbing trauma related thoughts – and that’s fine but expecting ME to watch them and respond to her is NOT okay. Then she wants to guilt trip me that I’m “not empathetic and not supportive”? What nonsense. My therapist nearly caught fire when I showed her what was going on with this and made it very clear that I should NOT get involved with that type of thing. I have all I can deal with for myself and do not have the time, patience, or interest in dealing with that woman’s issues. It’s every bit as important for trauma survivors like me to **set and enforce boundaries** as to how much we will “support” others, as it is to focus on how to heal our own traumas.

  3. What made you face your trauma, please?

    • I had a breakdown/break through 3 years ago, and had to face it all.
      It forced me to stop being in denial, stop minimizing, stop making excuses for people who hurt me.
      I have been processing the trauma since.
      It’s the bravest thing I have ever done.
      ❤ ❤