I understand fully why people suppress their trauma. I did this for 20 years. It was too unsafe, I was too alone to deal with it.
So I did what society tells people to do – got over it, moved on, never looked back. Or at least tried my absolute best. Even my own husband did not know the details of my trauma for 10 years. Proof that I did not talk about it. I lived a highly functioning, capable life. I was suppressing all my trauma.
This for me, was the worst thing to do, but it was all I was capable of at that time, and that’s okay.
I realise for many, this is what they will do all their lives. And that’s okay too. Some can’t delve into their own trauma, their own minds and souls. And for some – to do that would kill them. It has nearly killed me, doing this.
So, I have complete compassion for anyone else doing this. It does feel a far safer place to be – suppressing and avoiding it all. Focussing on the good. Finding the positives, counting your blessings and just striving for as good a life as is possible.
I really do 100% understand this and if that is what someone needs to do all their life, I understand and I will not judge.
What I don’t like – is when people doing this – telling everyone else this is what they ‘should’ be doing. Judging others.
And I definitely don’t like it when some of these people then accuse others of ‘dwelling in their trauma’. or ‘acting the victim’, or suggesting the time span of this person being in a painful processing/grieving stage – is too long.
Some people suggest trauma survivors are ‘choosing’ to dwell.
Who has any right to make such claims?
And even if it ‘appears’ that person is – there will be reasons.
And no-one else truly knows those reasons because they are not in that survivors mind.
Maybe, they are processing their trauma on a deeper level? No-one can assume their own processing, is the deepest possible, or the deepest needed.
Maybe the person doesn’t have the skills and inner strength needed to move through this as quickly as others? Maybe their depression, or other psychological reasons, are too great to cope with? And that survivor is suffering.
Maybe that person will need considerable time to process and grieve? And that survivor is suffering.
All our journey’s are different and no two are the same.
This is where empathy and compassion comes in and sadly many don’t have this.
So they preach at others and condemn them for being weak.
Making that survivor suffer even more.
Don’t do this to people. Please.
I always know when dealing with someone who has no empathy or compassion. They use phrases like ‘acting the victim’, ‘victim mentality’, ‘drama queen’, ‘dwelling’ and all the other phrases used to make others feel weaker.
Please remember – you do not know the path someone else has walked, the pain they have felt, or what is in their mind.
So, you have no judgment of how they are continuing to walk their path.
And if you do consider yourself to be entitled to ‘judge’ others and criticise their journey – you need to reign in that ego, and learn to develop some empathy. And more importantly, keep quiet.
You do not have a right, to hurt someone else, already suffering.