The wise old soul part of me, knows seeking validation from people, is not wise, is not needed and the only person I need validation from, is Jesus. And myself.
But, the hurt inner child needs I have, means I do seek validation, and I always have.
I have a habit now, of adding comments that professionals have stated about what I write, to my posts. I just did this. And stopped and thought about why I am doing this.
It’s that need, not only for myself to have that validation from professional people that I do have insight and intelligence, but also to show others this too. I always have that underlying fear that people think badly of me.
I know why I do this. Too many people putting me down all my life. Too much abuse. Too many treating like I am unworthy of anything good. Too many calling me crazy and all the other names I have endured.My inner child, seeking that validation, I never received from all the significant people in my life.
I don’t want the validation to boost an inflated ego. I want the validation to give me some sense of knowing I am worthy of being listened to. Believed. Understood. Seen as intelligent. Not treated like I have no opinion. Not treated like an idiot because I have the courage to be honest about having CPTSD.
Not to feel better than anyone else. But, so my inner child knows she is ‘as worthy’ as everyone else.
I know I ‘shouldn’t need this. I’m 43 years old. But, my inner child needs it. And I recognise those needs, those unhealed wounds. And they are there all the time. Now I don’t ignore them, or suppress them anymore.
I do know myself well and honest to say – until these inner child, unmet needs, are healed, I will keep needing re-assurance and validation.
I constantly have these conflicts within myself.
My wise old soul knowing one thing.
My inner child needing the opposite.
That continuing pulling me in different directions, like a tug of war. *sigh.