Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

An example of my conflicting needs – validation.

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The wise old soul part of me, knows seeking validation from people, is not wise, is not needed and the only person I need validation from, is Jesus. And myself.

But, the hurt inner child needs I have, means I do seek validation, and I always have.

I have a habit now, of adding comments that professionals have stated about what I write, to my posts. I just did this. And stopped and thought about why I am doing this.

It’s that need, not only for myself to have that validation from professional people that I do have insight and intelligence, but also to show others this too. I always have that underlying fear that people think badly of me.

I know why I do this. Too many people putting me down all my life. Too much abuse. Too many treating like I am unworthy of anything good. Too many calling me crazy and all the other names I have endured.My inner child, seeking that validation, I never received from all the significant people in my life.

I don’t want the validation to boost an inflated ego. I want the validation to give me some sense of knowing I am worthy of being listened to. Believed. Understood. Seen as intelligent. Not treated like I have no opinion. Not treated like an idiot because I have the courage to be honest about having CPTSD.

Not to feel better than anyone else. But, so my inner child knows she is ‘as worthy’ as everyone else.

I know I ‘shouldn’t need this. I’m 43 years old. But, my inner child needs it. And I recognise those needs, those unhealed wounds. And they are there all the time. Now I don’t ignore them, or suppress them anymore.

I do know myself well and honest to say – until these inner child, unmet needs, are healed, I will keep needing re-assurance and validation.   

I constantly have these conflicts within myself.

My wise old soul knowing one thing.

My inner child needing the opposite.

That continuing pulling me in different directions, like a tug of war. *sigh.

 

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

One thought on “An example of my conflicting needs – validation.”

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  1. Amy M
    December 17, 2014 at 6:33 am

    I’m right there with you. I developed insight in order to escape being blamed and scapegoated my entire life. If I can figure out what motivates a person to do something bad to me it means it’s not me who’s bad after all. I don’t think I could live with it otherwise. I have the ability to unmask people who are trying to scapegoat or blame me and wow, nothing makes a person angrier than having the truth pointed out. But being scapegoated angers me to the point where I have to say what’s happening, even if that means that person isn’t going to stay. Who needs someone who scapegoats us anyway?