This has definitely been a part of my journey.
I absolutely know narcissists will never admit or face up to the harm they have caused. They can pretend, if they have to and can fool many in doing this, and it would only be for their own reasons/needs. Not for the victim. It is never genuine remorse.
I know and have seen this in play, all too often. Manipulation – and other people falling for it.
A classic non genuine narc apology “I’m sorry you got hurt”. Not….”I’m sorry I hurt you.” And during the 20 minutes prior to this apology, the issue to these narcs, was ‘only’ about their image and their distress at how ‘other people would know’, I was called ‘demonic’, and everything denied, minimized, excused, and narc rage shown. No concern for me, at all. All of which has been witnessed by others, who agreed, this is narcissistic behaviour.
I didn’t need to be told what this was, I already knew myself, as the words spewed from the wolf’s mouth, it was a fake, non genuine apology, from a weak narcissist, who projects all his own issues as a man, onto others. And my previous counsellor agreed. She knew my capacity, to pick up on lies, narcissism, non genuine hearts and the words that come out of their mouths, and the reasons why.
This is just one example of many I have seen in my life, where apologies are not real, not genuine and are self serving, with no remorse, no conscience, no empathy for those harmed.
And I see so clearly all those around who fall for it. Or rather – want to accept the narc is genuinely apologising – to make life easier. Again, no empathy for the victim. They are apaths, colluding and going along with the narc, for their own reasons too.
NEVER trust an unrepentant narcissist,
or sociopath, psychopath,
You are a FOOL, if you do,
an APATH if you don’t care,
or apply cheap grace.
And you are ABUSING the victim further,
even if unintentionally.
October 28, 2015 at 2:15 pm
Reblogged this on Lovely Wounded Lady Says ….
October 30, 2015 at 7:34 am
I always loved the apology “I’m sorry you took it that way.” Ha! Classic.
October 30, 2015 at 7:36 am
Yes, that is a classic narcissistic apology. Not remotely genuine and still placing blame onto the victim. Narcs don’t do real apologies, or remorse.
January 22, 2017 at 12:25 am
As a child victim of a somewhat narcissstic mother, a very narcissist father, a crrebreal narcissistic one year older brother and a full on psychopathic 2 yesr older brother I totally agree with you.
I was labeled with apathy at age 6. Sufferring from ptsd from that point on. My oldest brother was the worst element in this disfunctional family. He drove a nail through my foot when I was 4. A year later he killed my pet turtle with a hammer and covertly convinced my parents that I had done it. At the sge of 5, I was 3, he placed a shotgun shell on the curb betwee me and anothrr toddler, gave us a hammer and told us to bang on the object, it would be fun, it will pop like a cap gun. An adult saw what was happenning and saved of from the danger. Neighbors were called out, my mother defended my brother. The police were not called. At about 2.5 years that brother and his older fried attempted a sexusl assault on my girl friend and I. We got away. Untouched but shocked and tramatised. Micheles mother and my mother argued and I was no longer welcome at Michele’s home, they moved away rather than live near us. Neighbors were aware that my brother was dangerous and my parents protected him. I learned as well as other childrens parents that it was dangerous to play with me becase of my brother.
I could write s long essay about the physycsl attacks, steeling my things and bits of money.
And the trouble it caused me following 2 years behing him in school. Some teachers punished me just for bring related to him. They did not see me as a victim, they thought I might be like him. One teacher, auto shop 9th grade asked if I was related to my brother, when I said yes, he kicked me out class causing a bad mark on my record. He alledged that I vandelised his car which is something my brother would have done. I was the only one in my home that was capable of empathy. I thiught he and the rest of my family were mentally ill. Turns out that narcism and psychopathy are personality disorers not mental illness. Hard as I tried to help my family they just thought less of me.
This is too long so I will end it. The oldest brother has cheated, lied, conned and stold his way through life. 20 years after the fact, He confessed to killing a building inspector by dropping a bag of mortor on his head. He said that he was not even investigated. He has gotten away with at least one murder. He is charming with his smile of deception, says what people want to hear, abuses and uses. Could you guess what ladders of success he has pulled people down, kicked people down so that he could climb? He is a supervisor of a probation department and also to fullfill his god complex and desire for gifts and praise, he is also a hospice chaplain. You would think both these jobs require degrees. But he thinks he is so special he is the ecception to the rules.