I am someone who is an all or nothing, kind a woman. I know why, it’s all part of who I am due to my life.
It can have advantages, because I am capable of putting in a huge amount of effort into something I am passionate about and feel is needed.
It can have it’s disadvantages, because it takes over and becomes almost an obsession and I also use it as a very understandable means of avoiding the trauma/pain still not healed, still swirling around my PTSD brain/mind.
Is it avoidance, freeze or flight trauma response, perfectionism, bipolar type behaviours….yeah probably all of them. Possible stuff I don’t know too.
But, it is also completely understandable, for anyone dealing with such severe trauma processing and grieving.
As I keep reminding myself,
It’s not what is *wrong* with me…
It is about what *happened* to me
This helps me to remember, I am VERY normal, for all I have endured, and in fact I have some gifts and strengths born from my life and all I have suffered.
I am learning to stop feeling negative thoughts about myself, because I am not your average person, purely because of all I have endured, which has been an excessive amount of trauma – way out of the norm in the society in which I reside.
So, my website obsession, yes I need to manage it. And I will.
Some days I will do better than others.
And that *is* okay.