My life, has involved a lot of abuse. It is common and there are psychological reasons, why child abuse survivors, are far more vulnerable to further abuse in adulthood, and this has been the case for me.
The first 20 years of my life, were horrendous. My mother and step father, were abusers, who set me up to be abused. This was worse than abuser protection, is was the biggest betrayal a child can ever endure. the abuse I endured was horrific. My sisters are still in denial so are abuser protectors, defending their parents.
I had a first marriage with domestic violence – physical violence, emotional abuse, financial abuse. My ex was an alcoholic, with a gambling addiction and enabling parents. So, everything become my fault. Even when beaten up by him. The two black eyes and split lip, were ‘my fault’, according to him and his parents.
I was bullied in work, eventually those people were sacked, due to fraud and there people who fully believed me. But, there were those who trashed me for stepping up and daring to report them.
I was abused my a church minister, and for two years, was subjected to spiritual abuse, minimization, abuser protecting, denial, scapegoating abuse, rejection, non belief, bullying, abandonment, trivialisation, cheap grace (which is abuse to the victim) and every single person involved, all the so called ‘mature Christians’ people I brought into this, failed me, caused further abuse on some level, some far greater than others – but ‘all’ further abused me emotionally. And the minister has been ‘promoted’ – the ultimate in ‘abuser protecting’, in fact a common issue of ‘raising up an abuser’ prevailed. My Christian doctor, stated in an email when I told her of this terrible news “I can understand why you are so distressed and I do not believe the Baptist Church have made a good decision”.
Too right it was a bad decision, and a complete failure by all involved and quite frankly I am aware none of them give a shit. It is evil prevailing. Abuse is evil. Raising up unrepentant abusers, is evil prevailing. And they all went along with it.
(see here for evidence of how much perpetrator protection goes on in organised Christianity, and this should not only apply to sexual abuse, it should apply to all forms of abuse http://www.marydemuth.com/perpetrators/ )
I placed myself into positions of vulnerability every time I have had the courage to deal with this. It takes great courage, which requires vulnerability, to deal with abusive people in an appropriate way. I have that courage, I have that capacity to be vulnerable – to do what is right and needed. I have the courage to be vulnerable, to be honest about things that are embarrassing, deeply uncomfortable and painful – to make the right choices.
I will be told no doubt by some, I have ‘too great a sense of responsibility’, or claim it’s just ‘drama’ or whatever other nasty shit they want to hurt me with.
This is the first time I have listened/watched this. And there were tears.
I can’t even begin to say how much I agree with everything she says about shame, vulnerability and courage, all being connected.
How society says vulnerability is weakness, and it isn’t at all. It takes great courage to be vulnerable.
I put myself in situations of being vulnerable, all the time. In the last few years, I’ve done it to expose a narc minister, a fraud sociopath claiming to have cancer/PTSD & more recently a narc/lying page admin.
I told everyone I have PTSD and I am open about all of who I am. Which takes great courage and has absolutely put me in a place of vulnerability.
And I have received ‘messages’ from many, how this is wrong. How it is weakness to have PTSD or speak about it and had weak people use that as a scapegoat for their own failings.
I’ve been told my boundaries aren’t good enough, I shouldn’t expose abusers, I shouldn’t write about myself so openly. I’ve been ridiculed, mocked, disbelieved, ignored, shamed, put down, lied about, and told that everything I am, is wrong.
I looked this up, to see why this was written….O love to learn and educate myself. This is from Wikipedia..
Citizenship in a Republic is the title of a speech given by the former President of the United States, Theodore Roosevelt at the Sorbonne in Paris, France on April 23, 1910.[1]
One notable passage on page seven of the 35-page speech is referred to as “The Man in the Arena”:[2][3]
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points
out how the strong man stumbles,
or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena,
whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood;
who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again,
because there is no effort without error and shortcoming;
but who does actually strive to do the deeds;
who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions;
who spends himself in a worthy cause;
who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement,
and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails
while daring greatly, so that his place shall never
be with those cold and timid souls who
neither know victory nor defeat.
Someone who is heavily involved in a situation that requires courage, skill, or tenacity (as opposed to someone sitting on the sidelines and watching), is sometimes referred to as “the man in the arena.”
We truly do live a perpetrator protecting society.
Exposing an abusive person is considered by some, to be ‘drama’….
I don’t think the future victims, would see it that way, if they were able to know what you protected them from. I think they would be very thankful someone stepped up and dealt with it.
I find the levels of egocentricity, selfishness, lack of moral courage, lack of integrity to do right, willingness to ignore abuse, and avoid any social or emotional responsibility to do something….really hard to deal with.
I’ve dealt with people walking all over me, all my life.
Now, I don’t. I don’t look for it, but If ‘drama’ – abuse/harm – comes my way, I will deal with it. And I do get crap in return for this. Bizarre.
Why can’t people see that this is wisdom, this is compassion for future victims, this is moral/social integrity, this is helping to reduce abuse and being unselfish? Continue reading →
