I have no words today, for how I feel, so here’s some pictures instead.
Glad to see a pastor actually recognize this issue.
I have said before, Churches are the perfect breeding ground for narcissists (and sociopaths) and too many are also in ministry.
All the narcissists I have known have been Christians.
Now, there are a couple of things that have to go along with that statement. First, I mean they consider themselves Christians and they want everyone else to consider them Christians. Second, I don’t get out much.
Recently a couple of readers suggested that I write something on the Christian Narcissist. I have to admit that I find that designation to be troubling. It seems like an oxymoron, a term that has two contradictory parts. I am tempted to say that there cannot be such a creature, yet I do know some. In fact, many churches have them. So, here’s what I know:
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We talk about how much we’re getting and who we’re doing it with. We show off about where we’ve been doing it, from the couch to the beach, or even under a tree on a nice summer’s day. And you can always tell who isn’t getting any. I am, of course, talking about sleep. It’s a subject close to all our hearts, yet the joy of sleep remains elusive for many.
A quick search for ‘sleeping problems’ throws up over 152million results in Google. It is estimated that, each year, more than a third of us suffer from insomnia. Getting a good nights sleep is very simple in most cases yet, on countless initial consultations, clients report experiencing long-running problems spanning the course of many years.
“I saw one naturopath and he suggested I spray my pillow with lavender.” Guess what, this didn’t help.
“A different nutritionist advised me to stop using the laptop before bed.” A sensible move, and one that reduces UV exposure late in the evening, but the effects are marginal.
“My yoga teacher recommended that I do some deep breathing whenever I’m lying there awake.” It’s fair to say that deep breathing can definitely help relaxation, but I haven’t ever spoken to someone who changes from a chronic insomniac to perfect sleeper on the basis of their breathing patterns.
“I thought that maybe I should stop drinking coffee in the evening.” Cutting out the caffeine can help a lot, and many respond well to it. But this remains an adjunct, rather than a cure in itself.
“My doctor offered me anti-depressants.” The less said about this the better.
Never do I see suggestions for the one thing that, over 90 percent of the time, fixes the actual problem within 24 hours. This one thing is magnesium. A mineral found in low levels in many foods, it is a component of more than 325 different enzymes in the human body. It plays an important role in hydration, muscle relaxation, energy production and, crucially, the deactivation of adrenaline. Having sufficient magnesium in your body does not necessarily guarantee that you will go into a deep sleep quickly and stay there, but insufficient stores of the mineral guarantee that you won’t. And almost everyone I see is short of magnesium.
I made a decision, to try hard to move on from all the spiritual and emotional abuse I have endured, from a minister, church and all the people involved. Some of whom, absolutely intentionally abused me, and some unintentionally. But, the fact remains, it doesn’t ‘matter’ whether intentional or not, the hurt, harm and abuse is still painful.
People who think that the
consequences and pain of abuse,
are somehow ‘less’ because they didn’t
‘intend’ to hurt you,
only believe this for their own needs,
to feel less responsible and
feel better about themselves.
The harm and pain of abuse is equal, regardless of intentionality.
And I have every right to have felt intense emotions about all this. To feel hurt, pain, betrayal, abused, abandoned, rejected and deep grieving. I don’t need anyone’s permission, or approval or validation, to my needed and appropriate emotions and reactions. Anyone who thinks differently – again – this is their own self serving needs.
I made a decision, to move on from all this,
because I cannot deal with a
corrupt, abusive religious system,
where no-one involved has the
to step up with you.
I realised, I cannot do this on my own, and I don’t have to. Many others were brought into it – and they all failed to deal with it. Failed God, failed me, failed future victims. Of course, they will all deny that. It takes courage to be honest and accept failure. Not something most are capable of. They will all be more concerned with reputations, towing the line, protecting the churches reputation, perpetrator protecting, failing to step up and using the excuse they ‘had to stay within the boundaries of their specific roles’. Yeah bullshit, perfect excuse that. Your boundaries of your role are more important than God? Sounds like your boundaries of your role, are your idol. All of these issues, are your idols. They will all remain in denial of that and that is ‘their’ issues. Continue reading →