Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


The legacy of child abuse.

The legacy of child abuse….


Far too much awareness of the dark sides of humanity.

No capacity to trust anyone.

A life of feeling completely alone.

A life of trying to fill the void, where a ‘good enough’ childhood was meant to have resided.

Horrific memories.


Nightmares, intrusive memories, anxiety, hypervigilance.

No capacity to feel happiness, the way ‘normal’ people feel.

An inner child, who’s needs will never be met.

No relationship ‘safe enough’. Continue reading

Lana, always my choice of music, when the darkness starts setting in…

I always know I’m descending into the depths, when Lana becomes my choice of music.

This song reminds me of using sex to get my highs…to get my way to the top of what I thought as being…happy.

It’s what I did back then, to relieve the aloneness.

Of course, back then….I didn’t know any other way of finding something to feel ‘good’ about, other than my high risk, thrill seeking behaviours.

I didn’t know then how to be happy the ‘normal’ way….and I still don’t.

Back then, it was a body, some form of intimacy, some form of physical closeness, helped relieve the terminal aloneness.

And of course, in the way I had been programmed to be from childhood onwards, as the only way to relate to men….sex.


Lana, always manages to get the right amount of dark tone into these songs, that convey a very powerful message and those who have experienced the darker sides of life, child abuse etc….relate.

This is what child sexual abuse can do to you.

I don’t how I am supposed to sort out all my sex/intimacy related issues.

I don’t even know where to start.

They are deep.

Even thinking about them, overwhelms me and creates fear.



I wonder if I will ever stop feeling so alone.

I think one of the reasons, I avoid thinking about my own situation as much as I possibly can, is because the reality of it, makes me realise how alone I am.

I know one of Robin William’s most famous quotes, is about the worst loneliness, being when surrounded by people and still feeling alone.

I don’t know if I can cope with spending the rest of my life, with no-one in it who can help me. No-one who understands me. No-one who ‘gets’ me.

I have a huge need for this in my life, no doubt unmet needs from childhood.

I am supposed to have positive inner dialogue at this point. Soothe my inner child.

To say what though?

“Yes, there is no-one in my life helping me emotionally in the way I desperately need, no-one safe enough, just like there wasn’t when I was a child.” Continue reading


Baby penis sucking religious people. This makes me want to vomit.


Fullscreen capture 9092014 95213 PM 

Where do I begin on how may levels of abuse this falls into.

Baby circumcision is abuse to start with – physical, emotional abuse.

It isn’t needed, is unnecessary pain. I don’t care if people say it is needed and Biblical. BS.

And what this Rabbi is doing to this baby is absolutely child sexual abuse – right out in plain view!!

All those men standing around watching, enjoying it.


There really is far too much abuse condoned and enabled in the name of God.

Makes me ill.

This is disgusting evil and abuse.  

Takes someone really special, to be your moon…


“Many people can come into your life and

be like the sun and shine brightly for you

during the easy, light times.

But, it takes someone really special

who is willing to be there for you

during your blackness of pain,

willing to be the moon and provide

a steady chink of light,

within your darkest times.”

~ Lilly Hope Lucario


Counsellors need to be ‘enlightened witness’ for the client and not pushing any other agenda.

As long as this child within is not allowed to become aware of what happened to him or her, a part of his or her emotional life will remain frozen, and sensitivity to the humiliations of childhood will therefore be dulled.

All appeals to love, solidarity, and compassion will be useless if this crucial prerequisite of sympathy and understanding is missing.

This fact has special implications for trained psychologists, because without empathy they cannot apply their professional knowledge in a beneficial way, regardless of how much time they devote to their patients.

~ Alice Miller

I believe a counsellor needs to be an enlightened witness.

  • An empathic person, the client can feel safe enough to ‘trust’, who’s sole purpose is to be there for the ‘clients needs’.
  • To help the client understand the evilness of what occurred to them and know the blame and shame of this lies 100% with the abuser, who made choices to harm.
  • To unravel ‘all’ of their hurt within, to help them feel all their needed emotions from all the wounds inflicted upon the child within.
  • To assist the client to stop suppressing and internalising the abuse(r), and start getting all these painful emotions, of betrayal, fear, loneliness, neglect, anger, grieving, despair, abandonment, distrust, depression etc…out.
  • To help the client know all their unmet needs, still affecting their life.

Without this enlightened witness, I don’t believe the survivor, will heal to the same depth.

I am aware, it takes connection to another human being, to heal these core inner wounds.

The reason, I believe another human being is needed….is because it was human beings who caused these wounds.

I don’t have this. I don’t have a human being, who is an enlightened being – to the depth I need. Continue reading

Dr. Alice Miller Website ~ A Goldmine of ‘Real’ Psychology regarding child abuse. And a free book.


Stacks of amazing insight and info on here, and I intend buying several more of her books too.

It will help me put into words, more of what I have already processed, as to the affects of child abuse and why it is condoned by so many in society.





Good to see someone in Christianity, taking on board Dr Alice Millers work.

Dr Alice Miller, is one of few in the psychiatry/psychology world, prepared to say the truth many wish to avoid.

Her son – Martin Miller has stated “I remember now often how my mother said: “.. You know, the therapists are all alike, they are shit-scared of recognizing the truth!” And today when I look at this debate and the handling with victims of abuse, I think then: She was right.”

Alice Miller states – the perpetrator of abuse, is completely responsible for the abuse he/she commits and too many in society make excuses for perpetrators.

And the victim ‘must’ put the blame squarely onto the perpetrator, to allow themselves to move from believing they are in any way a ‘sinner’ – to being the victim. Because the abuse is ‘never’ the victims ‘sin’. It is always the abusers.

Bravo!! Someone with the balls to say it. 

In this link, it was good to see someone in Christianity taking note and it was very interesting reading this, as it reflects much of what I believe and where too many Christians do the opposite and harm abuse victims even more.


Continue reading