As long as this child within is not allowed to become aware of what happened to him or her, a part of his or her emotional life will remain frozen, and sensitivity to the humiliations of childhood will therefore be dulled.
All appeals to love, solidarity, and compassion will be useless if this crucial prerequisite of sympathy and understanding is missing.
This fact has special implications for trained psychologists, because without empathy they cannot apply their professional knowledge in a beneficial way, regardless of how much time they devote to their patients.
~ Alice Miller
I believe a counsellor needs to be an enlightened witness.
- An empathic person, the client can feel safe enough to ‘trust’, who’s sole purpose is to be there for the ‘clients needs’.
- To help the client understand the evilness of what occurred to them and know the blame and shame of this lies 100% with the abuser, who made choices to harm.
- To unravel ‘all’ of their hurt within, to help them feel all their needed emotions from all the wounds inflicted upon the child within.
- To assist the client to stop suppressing and internalising the abuse(r), and start getting all these painful emotions, of betrayal, fear, loneliness, neglect, anger, grieving, despair, abandonment, distrust, depression etc…out.
- To help the client know all their unmet needs, still affecting their life.
Without this enlightened witness, I don’t believe the survivor, will heal to the same depth.
I am aware, it takes connection to another human being, to heal these core inner wounds.
The reason, I believe another human being is needed….is because it was human beings who caused these wounds.
I don’t have this. I don’t have a human being, who is an enlightened being – to the depth I need.
My husband, counselling, friends…none provide this.
My husband doesn’t have anywhere near the empathy needed to understand my emotional needs. He is very willing and great at practical help, and I am blessed with that and I accept his lack of empathy. He is who he is.
My counsellor, well it was Christian counselling and this is always based on greater compassion, empathy for the abusers, than the victims, flaunted in your face. They just don’t want to accept people are ‘bad’. Far too much ‘shaming’ victims and far too much ‘move on within a set amount of time’, otherwise you must be ‘nursing, cursing or rehearsing your trauma’ messages to victims – again more shaming. I’ve known being pushed into ‘moving on’ was not what I needed, as there was more processing needed. And it has become clear that ‘digging deep’ into the trauma, is not really welcomed. People don’t want to hear the ‘truth’ and ‘reality’ of what abusers are really like. Too many agenda’s. I have accepted the lack there too.
No blame attached, just an acknowledgement of the lack of my needs being met.
I need counselling with an enlightened witness.
Because this for a start, is the only way the
survivor will have the level of trust needed,
to build a relationship ‘safe enough’ within which,
therapeutic counselling of any value,
can be experienced.
Pretty depressing, to know I don’t have that.