Dr Alice Miller, is one of few in the psychiatry/psychology world, prepared to say the truth many wish to avoid.
Her son – Martin Miller has stated “I remember now often how my mother said: “.. You know, the therapists are all alike, they are shit-scared of recognizing the truth!” And today when I look at this debate and the handling with victims of abuse, I think then: She was right.”
Alice Miller states – the perpetrator of abuse, is completely responsible for the abuse he/she commits and too many in society make excuses for perpetrators.
And the victim ‘must’ put the blame squarely onto the perpetrator, to allow themselves to move from believing they are in any way a ‘sinner’ – to being the victim. Because the abuse is ‘never’ the victims ‘sin’. It is always the abusers.
Bravo!! Someone with the balls to say it.
In this link, it was good to see someone in Christianity taking note and it was very interesting reading this, as it reflects much of what I believe and where too many Christians do the opposite and harm abuse victims even more.
I am a great believer, in abusers no doubt having their own issues, maybe they were abused in childhood – but that does not make it okay to abuse their own child.
It does not give them the right, to minimize that abuse, excuse or justify that abuse.
And no-one else should be minimizing, excusing, or justifying that abuse either.
Or how it’s ‘bad’ to think of abusers – as abusers. I have been ‘shamed’ in this way. In counselling. I’ve had the message that viewing my abusers – as abusers/narcs/sociopaths etc is ‘bad’.
There ‘is’ a great need to identify that abuser – as an abuser. If that is labelling them as such – GOOD! It is needed. This does not mean the victim hates that abuser, or wants retribution or anything nasty to happen.
It is purely a conscious awakening to an understanding of the abuser, being an abuser and the blame, shame and guilt for that – being 100% with the abuser.
And this is how the ‘generational abuse’, so many believe occurs, is stopped.
It is not okay to tell the victim not to be angry. There is a great need to feel angry – to heal. Anger is the victim being allowed to say that what happened to them, was evil, was disgusting, was vile and was abuse they never deserved, or should have endured.
Nor, does anyone have the right to go flaunting compassion for the abuser, in the victims face – creating more shame, as if the victim is a bad person for not feeling the same way.
And don’t even get me started on forced reconciliation and forced forgiveness and how the church in general fucks up badly, when dealing with abuse victims.
As Alice Miller has stated correctly “You don’t want the victim to talk, you do not want to endure what you could hear.”
Her son adding “the Catholic Church has previously claimed that it has renounced to report abuse to protect the victims! They did not want to force statements, because that could be stressful. That’s a complete distortion. It only serves the perpetrators. Because they do not want to hear what they have to answer for..”
This is NOT just a Catholic Church issue – this a ‘Christianity’ wide issue.
I have endured all this.