Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I wonder if I will ever stop feeling so alone.

6 Comments

I think one of the reasons, I avoid thinking about my own situation as much as I possibly can, is because the reality of it, makes me realise how alone I am.

I know one of Robin William’s most famous quotes, is about the worst loneliness, being when surrounded by people and still feeling alone.

I don’t know if I can cope with spending the rest of my life, with no-one in it who can help me. No-one who understands me. No-one who ‘gets’ me.

I have a huge need for this in my life, no doubt unmet needs from childhood.

I am supposed to have positive inner dialogue at this point. Soothe my inner child.

To say what though?

“Yes, there is no-one in my life helping me emotionally in the way I desperately need, no-one safe enough, just like there wasn’t when I was a child.”

I can’t lie to myself. I’m kinda against the whole lying and ‘deluding self’ behaviours. Actually, I’m a ‘lot’ against it.

Maybe just get used to saying ‘It’s just me and you kid”.

I guess, I’m going to have to be ‘okay’ with not having this enlightened witness, not having a ‘safe enough’ relationship, not having this deep emotional connection, this huge desperate, unmet need…. not being met.

Maybe, it would be better to believe again, I don’t deserve these needs met.

Than to know, I do. And not have them met.

*sigh.

I hate my life.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

6 thoughts on “I wonder if I will ever stop feeling so alone.

  1. I just had a long talk with my niece last night who feels the same as you do… so overwhelmed. But I am here to tell you that it does get better! I think that perhaps just knowing you are not alone in the way you feel might help. Not that misery loves company… but I do GET it! Half my blog reflects it!!! But then the other half has a little more joy in it. And that is kind of the answer… I’ve said the words “I hate my life” through out it. But then I experience the times when I actually loved it and the thing is… if you just settle on the hate and feeling that is all there is then you miss out on the times when it’s not so bad and then even the times when you will feel joy and you will! I know. I’ve felt it both ways. And the thing that I have learned is that it is worth trudging through the bad to get to the good every time! Praying for you my friend! You are not alone if God sends one person to tell you that you are valued. And you are!
    xoxo
    Diane

  2. I have very recently been through these feelings myself. In my case, the loneliness I felt was an emotional flashback to being on my own often as a child. I realised that my depressive feelings were actually loneliness too. When I felt that loneliness building I sat with the feeling and grieved it, like Peter Walker advises for managing emotional flashbacks. I wrapped myself in a duvet and sobbed my heart out. It helps me to find Jesus in the scene, and to feel God’s parental love as I cry. Remember you are safe now but the little girl inside needs to cry it out. And she needs lots of love, which you and God can give her now. Just go with the feeling, as long as you feel you are able to tolerate it. If you don’t feel safe doing that, ground yourself in the present with whatever brings you back into the present: I use aromatherapy oils to smell and speaking to someone, naming the things around me aloud, etc, and then note the trigger down to discuss with your therapist xx

  3. Hello!!!! Over here! I get it. I REALLY do. 😀

  4. This post helped me so much because it helped me to realize that i’m NOT alone. The last few weeks have been extremely hard for me to deal with because it seems like no matter how much support someone tries to give me, it is never what I need because they will NEVER understand. I also have similar feelings of feeling more alone than ever when I am surrounded by people. Its horrible and I have on more than one occasion in the last week wanted to just burst into tears because of the loneliness. And the worst part is that nobody even sees how bad it is. Nobody recognizes that I need them. I wish I could offer you some advice about how to deal with the feelings but I really don’t have any because I can’t even help myself. Just know that I’m here and I’m totally willing to talk if you needed an extra person to listen to you.

    xo
    Ayla

  5. Totally get this. Feel like this most days – other people don’t get it, and how can they? They live in a comfortable world where parents love their children. The only people who get it are other survivors. We know how it feels. We get it.

  6. Thank you all! I miss messages on here, I don’t seem to get all the notifications.

    It is good for survivors to understand each other and know there are others out there, who do understand.

    ❤ ❤