Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

The legacy of child abuse.

5 Comments

The legacy of child abuse….

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Far too much awareness of the dark sides of humanity.

No capacity to trust anyone.

A life of feeling completely alone.

A life of trying to fill the void, where a ‘good enough’ childhood was meant to have resided.

Horrific memories.

PTSD.

Nightmares, intrusive memories, anxiety, hypervigilance.

No capacity to feel happiness, the way ‘normal’ people feel.

An inner child, who’s needs will never be met.

No relationship ‘safe enough’.

No enlightened witness, to help healing.

Fear, isolation, dissociation, shame, pain, suffering.

Existing, not living.


Thanks mother.

You screwed up my life, really well.

It’s what you wanted.

And you succeeded.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

5 thoughts on “The legacy of child abuse.

  1. your life isn’t over dear Lucy and you are bringing healing and hope to people all over the world. I have an exercise (I made it up) where I go back to a painful memory as grown me and I hug young me and say “I know it is awful now but I love you and keep going and everything will be OK.” It took me until this year to be able to do this because I had been programmed to blame young me.
    I went “no contact” a few months ago and it is scary but deliciously liberating. I have not one person who is on my side either so I must be strong for young me, now me and future me.

    Dont think it is easy or I dont have sometimes almost unmanageable flash backs but I do feel quite a lot of joy often which is something the abusers will never experience. They are joyless which is their punishment. I have no desire to punish them, my reward is not having to interact with them any more. I feel gratitude for that and of course a bit guilty.

    • Thank you ❤

      I'm not great at soothing my inner child. I do sometimes, but others times, I just don't have the capacity. It is a learning journey and I hope to get better at it.

      I am so thankful, you have been able to go no contact and remove toxicity, but I understand how hard it is. I am glad you can feel joy too ❤

      I do have moment of joy, but they seem insignificant, amidst all the far greater levels of pain, grieving and loneliness.

      Again, I hope this will improve in the future, as my journey progresses.

      I have to keep having hope.

  2. Took a lot of the words right out of my mouth, so to speak.

  3. Parents don’t realize the vast amount of power they possess over their children. I’m sorry your mother abused this power. But now that you are an adult, you have the power to love and nurture the hurting child inside. Be kind to yourself. Love can heal a great many things. 💙