Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I don’t have it in me, to participate in suicide awareness day.


I can’t hear all the bullshit messages people will be spreading, about how ‘all’ suicide is preventable.

How suicide is selfish, think of the ones you leave behind.

How suicide is weakness.

I am so sick of hearing messages from people, who are not even educated in psychosis and dissociation and how these are severe symptoms of PTSD, CPTSD, Depression, Bipolar.

I am sick of uneducated, entitled, opinionated, people.

I am sick of judgments and being shamed.

So, I’m avoiding social media.

I can’t deal with it.

Yeah okay society, I am a suicide survivor and I still have suicidal thoughts and I want to die sometimes and I am a mother and wife.

So I am weak, pathetic, selfish, shameful.


Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

2 thoughts on “I don’t have it in me, to participate in suicide awareness day.

  1. I so feel you… I just ‘survived’ an attempt. I’m a “normal” grown woman, mother of 3, educated, productive, married, working professional who struggles to make it on a daily basis. I agree with you whole heartedly… Being judged by others who just. Don’t. Get. It. Sucks. And so does this “holiday”

    • I am so sorry you have been this low. I do truly understand. It is a struggle on a daily basis.

      I struggle just trying to not allow my emotions to get too severe, and struggle to not allow myself to be dissociated too much, as these can lead to suicidal thoughts.

      It feels like just ‘staying alive’ is a massive struggle. And that ‘ain’t no holiday’.

      I don’t think most people, understand at all what feeling suicidal is about.

      ❤ ❤