Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Why this journey often feels ‘wrong’, ‘bad’, ‘scary’ and painful…

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I’ve been thinking about why I know I am healing and getting stronger over time…..and yet it often feels ‘bad’, ‘scary’, ‘not okay’ and several other negative emotional states.

I realised, it is because of several reasons;

~ I was taught from a very young age, to feel ‘bad’ about anything good/nice for me. I was taught ‘good’ was only for others. And those deep core beliefs, I still struggle with. 

~ Healing is always about stepping into new territory, which my overprotective PTSD mind signals as danger and scary!  
shocked
 ~ This whole journey, means I am having to be vulnerable…..which is way scary!! I have to stand up to people, who can and have rejected, abandoned me…VERY scary to me!
 
 ~ It is severely painful trauma to process. It is about horrific abuse, child abuse, sexual abuse, and abuse from my mother.
 
~ My hurt inner child, is being ‘allowed’ to feel all her emotions, which is painful. My inner child, is scared, fearful, abandoned.

~ Many people have left me, during this healing journey over the last 3 years, because I no longer ‘fit’ their idea of what they require as a friend etc. And quite a few, have been abusive too, as part of all the church abuse. So, I have lost many people I cared about and feel very alone, a lot.
~ And having severe PTSD, just sucks. It’s horrible to endure every day. It’s exhausting and debilitating. 

imagessadSo, of course it is all going to feel ‘wrong’, ‘bad’, scary’.

Just my thoughts on this today.

 ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

2 thoughts on “Why this journey often feels ‘wrong’, ‘bad’, ‘scary’ and painful…

  1. Pingback: Why this journey often feels ‘wrong’, ‘bad’, ‘scary’ and painful… | pattyspathtohealing

  2. Lily, I would like to thank you for being so open about your journey – your writings have allowed me to open up to some hard facts. I do have a question for you. In all the articles and blogs and sites about C-PTSD and PTSD the phrase “Processing the trauma” appears. I have acknowledged the traumas that have occurred, recognize the emotions and behaviour patterns that resulted, understood what was happening in my abusers’ lives that provided context. I’ve been angry, mourned the loss, been overwhelmed and disconnected at different times. I can remember past traumas with no emotional overwhelm. What else do I need to do in order to process the traumas so that my hypervigilance can reduce and my current emotions and behaviours can remain under control.