Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Not allowing ‘anyone’ to hurt/shame me, means I am losing and grieving a lot of relationships.

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My work in healing over the last few years, means I have come to realise how much abuse I have tolerated, because of several reasons. Fear of abandonment being one. Not having self worth, another. Being so ‘used’ to it, means it was just my life.

Now, I won’t tolerate it.

But, this means over the last few years, a lot of people have been cut out of my life and I am grieving them all.

It becomes a very lonely place, when you are not prepared to allow others to minimize your pain, shame you, force their views on you, flaunt their views in your face etc.

My need to not allow this anymore and my need to shut people like this out…means a lot of people are placed into the ‘you cannot be trusted, you are hurting me, you must be gone from my life’ pile…meaning I am ejecting some people out of my life, who are not intentionally hurting me.

But, I can’t cope with it. Once those red flags have been alerted and I know they are hurting me, whether intentionally, or not…my capacity to allow them to remain in my life, becomes zero.

One example is how people, view abusive people.Many people are going to have different views on abusive people, mostly due to their own level of life experiences with them, or their own self interested reasons to enable them, excuse their behaviours, they are apaths, ignorance, lack of empathy etc.

Some have misplaced ‘compassion’, that outweighs wisdom, and outweighs compassion for current and future victims.

I ‘know’ some of this, is not malicious, or meant to cause further harm to abuse survivors…..but it does.

My capacity to sort this out with people is poor and I know that. I don’t have the capacity to ‘discuss’ this and accept other people’s views….because I know they harm abuse survivors….and this is more abuse…..whether intentional or not.

There is a part of me, that wants to just run far away from these people – my hurt inner child, plus my empathy and  compassion that knows and sees the harm society does to survivors.

There is also a part of me, that wants to understand/accept people have different views, and calmly explain mine, so maybe they understand it from the perspective of someone who has endured such harm. And also not just ‘cut people out’ because their view is different, even if I believe it to be lacking in insight and wisdom.

I accept some people who have different views to me, are not ‘bad’, are not malicious, and not trying to hurt me.

But, they scare me.

Every part of by inner being wants to just run far away from them.

Except that little wise old soul part of me, that keeps nagging at me, that cutting everyone out, is not ‘always’ needed.

I know when I am unsettled about this stuff, I have more processing to do.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

One thought on “Not allowing ‘anyone’ to hurt/shame me, means I am losing and grieving a lot of relationships.

  1. Yes, I want to run away from them too. People start out nice, then eventually say things that hurt, or tell me what I “should” do when I’ve not asked, criticize my choices and I find that friendship hurts me, the word “Friend” makes me feel pain inside when I think or hear that word. A friend is someone who might cause grief and pain. A dog or cat won’t do that, they love you. I am an animal lover. Learned early when my parents had dinner parties, and as each person left, the others would talk about them when they were gone saying really bad things. I learned early but still tried to trust people. Never worked. But they always eventually are dissatisfied with me, say condescending things to me. They say things that I would never say to another person. I trust animals. My dream is to have another German Shepherd Dog.