My work in healing over the last few years, means I have come to realise how much abuse I have tolerated, because of several reasons. Fear of abandonment being one. Not having self worth, another. Being so ‘used’ to it, means it was just my life.
Now, I won’t tolerate it.
But, this means over the last few years, a lot of people have been cut out of my life and I am grieving them all.
It becomes a very lonely place, when you are not prepared to allow others to minimize your pain, shame you, force their views on you, flaunt their views in your face etc.
My need to not allow this anymore and my need to shut people like this out…means a lot of people are placed into the ‘you cannot be trusted, you are hurting me, you must be gone from my life’ pile…meaning I am ejecting some people out of my life, who are not intentionally hurting me.
But, I can’t cope with it. Once those red flags have been alerted and I know they are hurting me, whether intentionally, or not…my capacity to allow them to remain in my life, becomes zero.
One example is how people, view abusive people.Many people are going to have different views on abusive people, mostly due to their own level of life experiences with them, or their own self interested reasons to enable them, excuse their behaviours, they are apaths, ignorance, lack of empathy etc.
Some have misplaced ‘compassion’, that outweighs wisdom, and outweighs compassion for current and future victims.
I ‘know’ some of this, is not malicious, or meant to cause further harm to abuse survivors…..but it does.
My capacity to sort this out with people is poor and I know that. I don’t have the capacity to ‘discuss’ this and accept other people’s views….because I know they harm abuse survivors….and this is more abuse…..whether intentional or not.
There is a part of me, that wants to just run far away from these people – my hurt inner child, plus my empathy and compassion that knows and sees the harm society does to survivors.
There is also a part of me, that wants to understand/accept people have different views, and calmly explain mine, so maybe they understand it from the perspective of someone who has endured such harm. And also not just ‘cut people out’ because their view is different, even if I believe it to be lacking in insight and wisdom.
I accept some people who have different views to me, are not ‘bad’, are not malicious, and not trying to hurt me.
But, they scare me.
Every part of by inner being wants to just run far away from them.
Except that little wise old soul part of me, that keeps nagging at me, that cutting everyone out, is not ‘always’ needed.
I know when I am unsettled about this stuff, I have more processing to do.