Going to take myself to the hospital later, if I still feel the way I do.

I realise these thoughts of wanting to die, are not okay. I realise I need help. I need support.

I can’t go on like this.

So, if I still feel this way when my husband gets home from work, I’m taking myself to the hospital that has acute services for mental health.

I know I nearly ended my life about a month ago and I know I am in that place again.

I need specialist help.

I want to go to sleep and not wake up.

I don’t want to do this life anymore.

I know I have to, but I don’t want to. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.

I have no-one. And this is no exaggeration.

Counselling has stopped. No reply from my email a month ago.

My husband has proven he cannot be trusted at all.

I have no support, no-one who cares.

I am completely alone.

I hate being lied to. So angry….I am now dissociated. Bad language alert.

Lying is abuse.

And narcissistic.

I hate being lied to.

Lying means you know you cannot trust that person.

You cannot trust they haven’t lied about other things.

Especially when what they have lied about, was done with deviousness and was totally unnecessary.

In this case, lying by omission.

Which of course, to narcissistic people, means they believe they haven’t actually lied.

And with that, the dramatics that follow, to deflect away from the lying and devious behaviour.

I hate that I have always been drawn to these types of people.

Why are so many people unable to tell the fucking truth.

Lying to people is abusive. It is planned. It is intentional. It is narcissism.

It is a sad reflection of the world we live in when…

It is sad reflection of the world we live in…

Where you need to spend more time explaining

why you are empathic and compassionate and

receive more negativity and rejection about

having these virtues…..

Than you ever do, if you choose to be

selfish, egocentric and self serving.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

The term ‘Victim’ – has been turned into something ‘shameful’ – which is more abuse.

Society has done a really good job of turning the word ‘victim’ into something to be ‘shamed’ about.

Which is more abuse.

That’s what people targeted & conned by fakes, frauds, abusers, narcs, sociopaths, paedophiles, sex offenders and all types of abusers etc are…victims.

I have been a victim to many.

Now I am a survivor, but at the time I was being hurt/harmed/lied to – I was a victim. 

This is where a lack of empathy and lack of compassion, becomes very evident. Only people who lack these, choose to ‘shame’ victims/survivors of abuse. And this hurts and harms us more.

The word victim, is **nothing**

to be ashamed of.