Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I want to go to sleep and not wake up.



I don’t want to do this life anymore.

I know I have to, but I don’t want to. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.

I have no-one. And this is no exaggeration.

Counselling has stopped. No reply from my email a month ago.

My husband has proven he cannot be trusted at all.

I have no support, no-one who cares.

I am completely alone.

And if it weren’t for my children, I know I would not be here.

I do understand why people end their lives.

The pain, fear and depression, is too great.

I know I am supposed to reach out for help now.

But I have no-one to reach out to.

And knowing this, makes me want to die, even more.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

6 thoughts on “I want to go to sleep and not wake up.

  1. Hang in there,I was the same two days ago,easy does it,God loves you!I know that sometimes doesn’t help but he does!the enemy attacks us to destroy us and our purpose,he’s a deceitful liar.Talk to a pastor and get prayer,I did last night and now I feel hopeful again,you must learn to share your feelings with someone ,God bless you xx

  2. I am sorry you are feeling so bad, i know how horrible it is, i am going through something similar just now though i know it’s not as bad as it was some years ago. The only advice i can remember and practice now is to live just one day at a time and trust God with all the rest. I do care and hope you find help. Lots of hugs
    (please excuse me if something i write isn’t clear, i speak spanish and i am not sure how to say many things in english)

  3. You need a NEW therapist – no matter what cost; do it for your boys. ❤

    • Lilly, I hurt for you. You have me. I know how it feels to be all alone with your thoughts screaming and no one cares to listen. I will listen and I am here. ❤