When everything is falling apart, the fear this causes me, is unbearable. Too much has happened in the last few months. Too much affecting me and my emotional state.
I am in a situation now, that I fear the most. No-one in my life, I can trust. This is a very unsafe situation for me, when suicidal thoughts are never far away.
The fact remains, you can never trust people. And I know this. But, I always want it. I need it. It a deep profound need within me, that I cannot change, or get rid of.
The hospital didn’t phone today, as they said they would. Obviously me saying I was having suicidal thoughts, isn’t a priority to them. I guess they were busy with other people who were a priority.
My counsellor is ignoring all my emails.
My husband has been lying to me and that just sets off a million things in my mind as to what else he has been lying about.
None of them can be trusted to do right, or be there when you need them the most.
Me and my life, are never a priority to anyone. I never matter. I don’t have anyone who cares. I don’t know why I ever hope anyone will. I’ve never had one single person in my life I could rely on and trust. I guess I need to just stop expecting anyone to and just accept I am on my own.
I feel like I am clinging on to the edge of the cliff, by my finger nails.
And I don’t matter enough, for anyone to care whether I let go, or not.
I don’t care either.