Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Family Scapegoating: Part 1

Excellent advice and insight into scapegoating abuse within families.

A Cry For Justice

Over and over and over again, I hear stories from women (and a few men but I do not generally converse with men about their abusive pasts) who leave abusive marriages, head into therapy or some sort of counseling, and discover that their family of origin is also abusive. When a former victim desires to heal, she will begin to look at the “why’s”: Why did I marry an abuser? Why did I allow people to treat me this way? Why have I so little respect for myself? Why do I feel like I am ‘different’ than others? All of these questions are important for healing and help. And, most often than not, a victim has been a victim before. Victimhood is her normal. And it began as a child, or as a teen or during another trauma in her life.

When the victim begins to fully comprehend the dysfunction…

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Family Scapegoating: Part 2

I was my family of origin’s family scapegoat.
It is deeply damaging psychological, mental and emotional abuse.
As per Pete Walker, it is the most emotionally abandoning/neglectful of all abuse.
I have No Contact.
Probably my most healthy boundary I have ever implemented and stuck to.

A Cry For Justice

It is very challenging for a victim of family scapegoating to escape their position. Nevertheless, it is necessary. Rarely does a victim escape before the age of 30 and, even then, the victim needs tremendous support (if possible) to break free from the clutches of manipulation and blame. Further, the victim then needs a great deal of time and help for healing. All in all, it is a difficult and rocky road but one that must be taken in order for the victim to grow into what he or she is supposed to be in Christ.

The near-impossible goal of becoming “no contact” with the abusive family is, by far, also the most important task (thank you to Light’s Blog for the term “no contact”). By no contact, I mean ignoring emails, ignoring phone calls, ignoring texts messages and emails, deleting things before they are even read, blocking all family…

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Healthy boundaries……do I really ‘know’ what they are yet??

Posted to my page..

“Something I have been thinking about recently…

I talk a lot about healthy boundaries….they are needed. For healing, for protecting self, for general wellbeing etc.

But, I don’t think I actually know what they are yet. I kinda know on an intellectual level, but when tested, particularly when in an emotional state, I am aware the concept of healthy boundaries….is not there.

Need to work on this.

Does anyone else relate?”

This received a lot of responses, with people really relating…….including one that said..

Absolutely and 1st time that I have heard another person be so honest about it“.

I added to the post…

“This is what I am needing to learn in counselling. I realise – much to my complete embarrassment – that as a 43 year old woman, I need someone to teach me things I didn’t learn when I was supposed to learn them, in childhood…(And I have to shut up, listen and stop being so stubborn, as otherwise, I am not going to learn anything).

But, I have to have self compassion, to know this was not my doing, and that I still revert to my trauma-survival modes when emotional – which is normal for me and as a survivor of massive trauma.

And to also recognise – this is self insight and real honesty about myself, that many people don’t/can’t have. So, whilst embarrassing, at least I am aware, insightful and willing to be honest about the stuff I need to work on.

And give myself credit, for being ‘willing’ to work on it. It shows I don’t have an unhealthy ego, that can’t bare (or is it bear?) to have self insight and prefers to just assume I am fine as I am. I know I’m not ‘fine’ as I am.

So, for all of us who know we have stuff to work on –

give yourself credit for that –

it takes courage and inner strength!! Continue reading

The three worst things I am grieving, about my mother’s abuse……

It is painful to read this again and know there is worse about my mother I now know, than what I wrote in this Blog.
I can’t deal with my emotions about all this.
I have that massive anxiety in my chest, just reading this.
It is painful to know I have deeply loved, such sick and twisted people.

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

There are many, many things my mother did that caused me deep pain, but these are the three worst.

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