I can intellectually and rationally explain why this is my greatest fear, what caused this, how to address it and what is needed to manage and cope with this….
But, when I am hurt, get triggered, in emotional flashbacks….this fear is so great within me…burned into my very core and every fibre of my being….this fear over-rides everything.
I have to accept I have endured so much trauma, from so many people, that this is my normal state of being….fear. And it drives me to life threatening emotional states.
Trauma over the last few years, has damaged my healing, damaged further any capacity to trust and I have to take it easy and slowly heal all this.
I know I need to stay away from potentially toxic and traumatised/triggering situations/people.
I won’t heal, unless I start doing all of what I need.
So honoured to be nominated for an award!
And also love to find more blogs, through nominations too.
Thank you so much!
I am once again humbled by a nomination that I received from The Candid Spot. Her blog is informative, refreshing and honest. She offers great advice and thought provoking posts, that everyone should go check out! Thank you again for the nomination.
Thank the blogger who nominated you providing links back to their website.
Display the logo on your blog.
Answer the ten questions set for you.
Make up ten questions for your nominees.
Nominate ten people.
Miriam’s Ten Questions (All very good questions!)
1. What is your favorite season? Winter? Spring? Summer? Fall? Fall, the perfect mix of cooling and warm.
2. If you chose to stay a certain age forever, which would it be? Forever, hmmm I am not sure I made it to that age that I want to stay at forever…
3. What songs are included in the soundtrack of your life? “Razorblade”…
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A post I wrote on my FB page.. @ https://www.facebook.com/HealingFromComplexTraumaAndPTSDAndCPTSD
My trauma induced survival/coping strategies, still kick in when I am triggered, or highly emotional and particularly when emotional flashbacks occur….
I realise all the stuff I know intellectually about more adaptive coping strategies, boundaries, emotion control… go straight out the window….and I revert immediately to my usual coping methods….isolate, withdraw, self hate, complete distrust of anyone and it all spirals downwards…
And then I am back in that horrible, dark trauma hole, of loneliness, fear, massive hypervigilance and complete lack of feeling safe.
I also lose some of the capacity for rational thinking, but my survival needs my PTSD brain knows so well – that have kept me alive – clearly overrides anything I have intellectually learned in the last few years.
But…….I accept this is okay and I am glad I am aware and insightful to know this is occurring – which is progress, and just keep working on it…one day at a time.
Do you relate? If you do, please know, I am with you in this journey and this is why I share this with you.
If you are past this and able to now stop these trauma responses occurring, please tell us, it gives us hope and we can celebrate your further progression in this healing journey.
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
I am glad, that now I am 2 years along past the time I wrote this blog, I can say I am far better at managing my trauma responses, my emotions, emotional flashbacks etc. It has taken a lot of work and dedication and effort, but it is worth it.
So please know – there is hope!
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