I can intellectually and rationally explain why this is my greatest fear, what caused this, how to address it and what is needed to manage and cope with this….
But, when I am hurt, get triggered, in emotional flashbacks….this fear is so great within me…burned into my very core and every fibre of my being….this fear over-rides everything.
I have to accept I have endured so much trauma, from so many people, that this is my normal state of being….fear. And it drives me to life threatening emotional states.
Trauma over the last few years, has damaged my healing, damaged further any capacity to trust and I have to take it easy and slowly heal all this.
I know I need to stay away from potentially toxic and traumatised/triggering situations/people.
I won’t heal, unless I start doing all of what I need.