A post I wrote on my FB page.. @ https://www.facebook.com/HealingFromComplexTraumaAndPTSDAndCPTSD
My trauma induced survival/coping strategies, still kick in when I am triggered, or highly emotional and particularly when emotional flashbacks occur….
I realise all the stuff I know intellectually about more adaptive coping strategies, boundaries, emotion control… go straight out the window….and I revert immediately to my usual coping methods….isolate, withdraw, self hate, complete distrust of anyone and it all spirals downwards…
And then I am back in that horrible, dark trauma hole, of loneliness, fear, massive hypervigilance and complete lack of feeling safe.
I also lose some of the capacity for rational thinking, but my survival needs my PTSD brain knows so well – that have kept me alive – clearly overrides anything I have intellectually learned in the last few years.
But…….I accept this is okay and I am glad I am aware and insightful to know this is occurring – which is progress, and just keep working on it…one day at a time.
Do you relate? If you do, please know, I am with you in this journey and this is why I share this with you.
If you are past this and able to now stop these trauma responses occurring, please tell us, it gives us hope and we can celebrate your further progression in this healing journey.
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
I am glad, that now I am 2 years along past the time I wrote this blog, I can say I am far better at managing my trauma responses, my emotions, emotional flashbacks etc. It has taken a lot of work and dedication and effort, but it is worth it.
So please know – there is hope!
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September 20, 2014 at 10:37 am
I am right there now. Emotionally tired.
May 20, 2015 at 2:39 pm
I relate.I am there now.
February 27, 2016 at 12:11 pm
Have you ever wondered= Where does all your talent come from? 99 percent of people would not go to extent that you do to help others. considering what you have been thru. ..
April 19, 2016 at 10:21 pm
Finding this post tonight is a life saver. Your description of yourself and your age are close to my own and I have felt so lonely and no one in my immediate life understands. I’ve been in the throes of an emotional flashback for days and it culminated into a big crying jag tonight. I could go on but another time. Anyway, thanks
April 20, 2016 at 6:27 am
I’m so thankful, this blog has helped you. It is so needed, to find people who understand, who ‘get it’ and have the empathy and compassion, to know others need to be validated and understood.
Much love, Lilly ❤
August 29, 2016 at 1:12 pm
Its hard for some warriors, like me to find someone to care enuf to do this, but being Validated like having ur feelings be validated, shows that ur heard.~
August 29, 2016 at 7:01 pm
“And then I am back in that horrible, dark trauma hole, of loneliness, fear, massive hypervigilance and complete lack of feeling safe.” This describes exactly how Ihave been feeling for the last two months after something traumatic came up in therapy… I have wonderful friends in my life but every time I am at home alone I feel this terrifying loneliness and I need constant reassurance that I am not alone. I also have this fear of nevr getting better and of leading a sad and lonely life no matter what I do. I feel very unsafe, expecting something horruble to happen. My anxiety is up the roof. I try to gently reassure myself by challenging my darkest thoughts but it is hard work. At least I am trying.
August 30, 2016 at 7:16 am
It is a really hard journey dealing with these painful complex trauma issues, like isolation, fear of being alone, feeling like it will never get better. I know all these feelings so well.
I know this journey is one we need to work on slowly and just take each day and do the best we can.
I have lots of info of coping strategies on my website, that may help.
It’s at http://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/
❤
August 29, 2016 at 11:25 pm
I am much better with interacting with people, going to unfamiliar places. But i still feel safest at home in my room reading a book. I may not be where i want to be but thank God I’m not where i was mentally. I am a in progress.
August 30, 2016 at 7:11 am
I’m glad it is getting better for you. I too feel safest at home.
I am also a work in progress and I think it helps to see it that way.
❤