This topic may be emotive for some.
Please feel free to bypass, if this is something that may cause you distress.
~~~The issue of forgiveness~~~
I do not preach forgiveness, even though I am a Christian. And here’s why…
Whether someone needs to consider forgiveness for abusers, is a very personal issue and one I do not believe anyone has a righ…t to demand, or shame people into.
I believe that to heal, we need to concentrate on ‘ourselves’ – nothing to do with the abusers.
I believe that adding ‘forgiveness’ into the healing process too soon, is very damaging. And who is to know when that time is right for others, if ever?
I also believe ‘forgiveness’ for abusers, is not what many assume it has to be. To me, it is not about having to have nice feelings and thoughts about them, not about needing reconciliation, not about excusing or justifying their abuse, not about minimizing the harm they caused, it does not mean you cannot go to the police or appropriately expose them, it does not mean you cannot be angry and grieve, it is not about keeping it a secret for their benefit, or the family/org/church’s image/reputation, it is not about suppressing needed and rightful emotions. These things are all manipulations and further abuse to the victim/survivor.
I won’t tell you – you ‘have’ to forgive. I have no right to say that to you. No-one does.
I am not you, I don’t know where you are at in your healing, I don’t want to damage your healing, or shame you. That would be wrong of me and it is wrong of anyone else.
I do not believe that anyone needs to think about forgiveness for abusers who have harmed us greatly, unless they believe they want to and when they are ready.
To be quite honest, I am so sick of thinking about my abusers. I need to concentrate on me and what ‘I’ need. Not them.
I believe this is needed.
So, please do not preach forgiveness to severe abuse survivors – you are not ‘entitled’ to do so. If you have dealt with forgiveness – keep it to yourself.
Don’t think you know where everyone else’s healing is at, or what they need. It is harmful to assume this.
I don’t know what everyone needs, especially via the internet and neither does anyone else.
This section is specifically about being a Christian..
~ Lilly Hope Lucario