I’ve always been a ‘huggy’ person. Always wanted to hug everyone. I’ve always hugged my friends, and people I know, men, as well as women. This has got me into trouble with people who have taken advantage of this and I know my boundaries are not good, in many ways.
But, I know why I want people to hug me. I want what I didn’t have in my childhood. I want non sexual hugs, like I should have had from parents. I want someone to hug that little girl part of me, that was never safe, never hugged in safe arms. I still want it. As pathetic as it sounds.
And it can’t be from someone who sees me in a sexual way, like my husband. It needs to be nothing to do with sex.
I just want someone to hug me. Preferably often. Like children need.
This hurts so much to write this. I have tears pouring down my face writing this.
Because I know how badly I need things, I will never have.
I’m going to go and get my favourite teddy, wrap myself up in a soft blanket and try and comfort that part of me, that has been desperate for what I never had, all my life.