Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Today, was a good day, considering how my days normally go…


Good days need to be acknowledged, appreciated, and they matter. They really matter.

I went out…..and any day where I get out of the house willingly, without too much anxiety¬†and with a desire to do something good….is a pretty good day.

I bought myself a latte and a magazine and chilled in a fairly quiet coffee shop. Then bought some crafty stuff and inner child stuff. Anxiety wasn’t too bad in the shopping centre and my hives made no appearance, so that was nice.

Had fun with my son, making puppets, chatting and doing what he loves, while taking care of my inner child needs too.

And my mood has remained fairly level, not turning into a ‘high’, or descending into depression…

So, based upon how I feel most of the time……this is a really good day! Even my husband commented that I seemed in a better state of mind.

I haven’t felt emotional, or upset, or thought much about trauma stuff. My mother came into my head today a few times, and I just decided I was not giving that/her headspace today. I guess mindfulness capacity kicked in today, which is also very hard for me. But when I can do it, I do it. Continue reading


Free Downloadable Book On Narcissism.

I have read a fair amount of this book, and it is insightful and a good read.

Much of all this, I have already worked out myself about narcs/psychopaths, before ever educating myself on them, because I know them all too well. I have been abused by several, over long periods of time.

All the manipulation, preying on certain people, the focus on protecting image, how they¬†mirror other people’s emotions, capacity to harm others with no¬†remorse, no conscience, lying…

All things I hate.

Click to access npd.pdf

Society should be more educated and informed about what these personality disorders are about, how much harm they cause and just how little their behaviour is understood or noticed by most.

And how they often fool mental health professionals, interestingly.

They don’t fool me – I have skilled narc/psychopath/sociopath radar.


If I’m going to do this Inner Child Healing……I’m gonna give it my all…


Today, I went to the shops to buy my son some new texta pens, as his are all running out.

So, I decided to buy myself, a girly pencil case, as well as some texta pens for me and some for my 5 year old son. I bought a few girly colouring books of Fairies and Rapunzel and a few cute craft things to make with my son.


My son¬†is very ‘crafty’ at the moment and loves writing, drawing and colouring in too and I am encouraging this.

A few weeks ago, I bought some plain cardboard house cut outs (I love the craft shop Riot), with opening doors, and my son I enjoyed drawing and colouring different designs onto them. His are very boy like, very 5 year old, with lots of solid colours, basic windows, as you would expect from a young child. Mine are cute and girly, with pretty curtains, and a teddy bear in the window, butterflies on the walls, birds on the roof and flowers growing up the walls. Continue reading

Why it’s okay to not be ‘strong’ all the time, and why posts that ‘shame’ me, are not okay.

Post to my Facebook page today..

No matter what I write here, I do always hold onto, or re-find hope for healing, recovery.

Sometimes, I become very overwhelmed, feel hopeless, and like trying to heal so much profound trauma, is too hard.

I only share all of my journey, including these low times, so others know, this does happen and it is okay….we cannot always be positive all the time.

There is a lot of pain and grief in trying to deal with such deep trauma and life changing abuse.

So, we need to give ourselves permission to not be strong – all the time.

It is too big a burden to carry, to be positive all the time.

It is unrealistic and too hard, so I give myself permission, to have times when I cannot be positive. This is okay and needed.

Lilly ‚̧

A pretty judgmental, ‘shaming’¬†comment was made, regarding a post I shared about my behaviours in my 20’s, this post followed..

Please know, it can be hard for me to share some of my deeper complex trauma journey, especially behaviours from the past, that are all normal and have psychological reasons.