Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I am so tired….

3 Comments

tired

This last week, my levels of feeling exhausted, have deepened.

I am doing a little more, but I’m not running a marathon………..it’s just going to the shops, and playing with my young son, who is on school holidays.

But, I am exhausted. Literally having to lie down during the afternoon and so tired in the evening, but not sleepy tired.

I am confused as to why I am feeling more tired, while doing more self care, than when I do less.

I don’t know whether the constant massive anxiety, having more stress going on – is what can ‘keep me going’ normally, so now I am avoiding unhealthy stuff, and not having the hyper-stress that comes with that……means by body is less stressed, less anxious, and just wants to rest.

Which considering my life and all I have been through………..I can understand my poor body physically needing to rest.

tired2

I just tried to explain to my husband, it’s not miserable tired, or grieving sadness tired, or thinking bad thoughts type depression……….just total physical exhaustion.

I’m sure there is some psychological term for this…..removing anxiety and stress, doing better self care, but your body collapsing into physical exhaustion………like my body is saying “okay…my turn….you don’t look after me…..and I am falling apart too!”

I feel like I need to lie down for a year, to catch up.

There is probably some underlying grieving and depression going on too, and subconscious stuff. Maybe removing the major anxiety and stress, is just revealing the underlying exhaustion, depression, grieving…

It has crossed my mind there could be something wrong with me physically and I know due to my levels of chronic illness, all my life, I am more prone to getting other physical illnesses, but I am not allowing my mind to ‘go there’.

I’m probably very low on my vitamin D again and I know the last time I had a load of blood tests, the results were not good and showed a general level of poor health, which all adds to low energy, lethargy etc.

But, I am gong to see how it goes over the next few weeks, focus on my children whilst on school holidays – give them what little I have, whilst also have some self care within that…and see how I am feeling once they are back in school.

Plus, I have to realise, I have gone through a lot of massive and painful emotions over the last few months. My counsellor/doctor was away through it all, I struggled badly to cope and ended up at the hospital.

So, I need to give myself more understanding of how that takes it’s toll on my body, as well as my mind, heart and soul – as they are all affected by all I am dealing with.

I hope I can gain some physical strength slowly.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

3 thoughts on “I am so tired….

  1. Oh how I can relate! Over the past year I have been working diligently and one on one with an amazing team, and finally my psychotherapist who have helped me reach a level of healing I’ve never experienced before. I am 43! Approximately 2 months ago my body just felt as if it were giving up. I couldn’t understand since I began working out again, started eating organic, increasing my water intake…all things healthy. Then I too realized and as my therapist explained – my life of chaos and disorder is calming. My thoughts are clearer. I’m learning to just be and my body is now saying…let me just be. I literally have foot pain, leg pains, my limbs feel like noodles and I’m just tired. A tired I’ve never experienced before in my entire life and I am the mother of three children ages 20, 18 and 17. So I’ve always been busy and very emotional while being wife, mom and dealing with my PTSD from childhood sexual abuse, incest, sexual assault and finally date rape…eventually a divorce which has made me the single mom for 13 years now. This feeling you have will pass, but it will take time and they will come and go. Mine are becoming more sporadic as if my body is finally feeling rested a bit more. I’m still taking it slow so I will be completely rested and revived and hopefully feel absolutely 100% better than ever when I turn 44! I wish you well and thank you so much for sharing this! I needed to read it and know I’m not alone, although I never find happiness knowing someone else is struggling. Still, we survivors share this bond and I appreciate so very much each survivor I meet who so openly shares their story. Thank you!

  2. I see this is an old post but I found it today and agreed to every single word. I’m laying down any spare moment i get have never been so tired. I keeping wondering if i should go to the doc but my gut tells me it’s the deep healing work of complex trauma! Wow! Thanks for the post.

  3. I searched for PTSD recovery and exhaustion and found this. Nice to see other people have had the same experience! May we all take the rest we need xx