Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Abusive people have a distorted views of reality….yes…..but…

I just read this on a poster and now I can’t find it.

It went some thing like…

“Abusive people have a distorted view of reality.

Even if they were given the best toy in the world,

they would still want to break it.

It has nothing to do with you.”

I totally understand this quote and agree with it. Which makes it sound like it is not personal.


Their reasons to abuse..

 Are indeed, nothing to do with us.

But the abuse and the life long consequences, are.

It is their victims, who endure their dark issues,

and the pain and suffering because of it.

It is personal. To us.

Especially, if we loved them.


The profound impact of childhood sexual abuse – don’t know how I am ever going to talk about this.

Having recently processed that I have issues with boundaries to keep myself from being harmed and abused….I do realise these issues are wide ranging and also apply to other areas of my life.

I don’t know how I am ever going to talk about the impact of child sexual abuse on me regarding intimacy/sex, or therefore, deal with it.

I have always been confused as to why I want rough sex, and yet hate it and feel shame. Why I don’t ‘do’ gentle intimacy. Why I’ve always been confused why I willingly put myself into situations of having affairs with people and hate it and feel shame. Why I am scared of what men will do to me, yet for years – had sexual behaviours where I could be easily hurt and abused, and have been, repeatedly. Why I put myself in dangerous situations and that is a thrill, yet I am also fearful. Why I am attracted to narcissistic people, and yet hate their traits. There’s more.

A lot of it is re-enactment behaviours. This doesn’t mean what the people are doing, is okay, it’s not. But, it also means I have never wanted this abuse, but couldn’t protect myself from it either. It goes further than just poor boundaries and low self esteem. Continue reading

PTSD Research – Childhood Trauma/Abuse May Activate Gene Leading to PTSD

Interesting to see this research that may explain why some people who suffer childhood trauma’s, are far more likely to develop PTSD, than others.

Childhood Trauma May Activate Gene Leading to PTSD

By Senior News Editor
Reviewed by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on September 17, 2014

Childhood Trauma May Activate Gene Leading to PTSD

New research suggests childhood adversity may influence genotypes which, in turn, can affect a person’s nervous system, placing the individual at risk for post-traumatic stress disorder.

Specialists have known that abnormalities in a person’s nervous system, especially in the fight-or flight- response, are a factor in the development of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), although the association of a genetic influence had been unknown until the current study.

The collaborative study by researchers at Columbia University’s Mailman School of Public Health and the University of Michigan found an interaction between the ADRB2 gene and childhood adversity.

For individuals with two or more experiences of childhood trauma, such as abuse, genotype was associated with risk for adult PTSD symptoms.

These findings are significant for the study of the physiology of PTSD, for the treatment and prevention of stress-related illnesses, and may have implications for treating pain, which has also been linked to the ADRB2 gene. Continue reading

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More embracing my inner child…I bought my son and I a tree-house playset :)

My 5 year old son has been wanting a little play set with a slide/swing for ages, since seeing the very overpriced Octonauts one. I don’t like buying over priced popular brand name stuff anymore and haven’t done for a few years now.

But, today I saw this gorgeous tree-house set, at a very reasonable price. It has the most adorable little animals, and my son loves Peter Rabbit, and it is similar to the vintage Pete Rabbit style.

(He also loves dinosaurs, super hero’s, cars, trucks and your more traditional boy gender based toys too. I don’t have issues with young children playing with everything and I don’t enforce only traditional ‘gender specific’ related play.)

I had a Fisher Price Tree House when I was a child, and I have good memories connected to that and playing with it for hours. If they weren’t so expensive to buy now, I would have bought one, for my sons. I try to hold onto good childhood memories, as I have so many bad ones. Continue reading

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We are only ready to ‘let go’ when we are ready, understand why and this cannot be forced.


I don’t like the expression ‘let it go’ – because in 99% of times this is said, it is not for the needs of the person suffering and it is not the right time……but the person speaking these words – believes they ‘know’ when is the right time, which is judgmental, and harmful very often.

It also implies we are ‘deliberately holding on’ to whatever is causing us hurt, harm, pain, suffering. Which is BS.

But, I do know, that in order to move along the healing journey, we do need to accept at some point, when we are ready, when we have grieved, dealt with the pain etc…we can let go of whatever it is that is hurting us.

I believe, this is only truly possible when we fully understand what the issues are, why it is not okay and why we need to let it go. Only then, does it become a choice, to learn to let go. Continue reading

40 Things to Do When You Feel Emotionally and Physically Drained – by Merja Willock

I posted this onto my facebook page, via a community member, as it is really good advice.

I am aware – I have to do this in little steps, otherwise I overwhelm myself, and don’t do any of it.

40 Things to Do When You Feel Emotionally and Physically Drained

We have all been in a situation where we see all the warning signs of exhaustion building up, but still find it extremely difficult or even impossible to slow down, thus prolonging recovery and draining our body and mind. I can’t say that even though I am acutely aware of the effect stress has on our overall well-being I would have always stopped on time to just be and take care of myself before it is already too late. Lately, many of my favorite bloggers have done the same. Listening to themselves and taking a well-earned break to concentrate on self-care, providing room for new ideas and inspiration to flow in naturally.

In this list I have gathered 40 tips with some helpful questions to reflect on when you feel energetically, emotionally and physically drained and exhausted.


01. Drink more water
Many people are chronically dehydrated, one symptom is tiredness.

02. Eat fresh and colorful foods
This is pretty much a no brainer, but it is one of the most important things that you can do. The more green juices, salads and raw foods I eat, the better my energy levels and mental clarity are, and I notice that I don’t need as much sleep to wake up refreshed.

03. Stay away from stimulants
They only give you an unhealthy energy boost and with constant stress, can easily lead to adrenal exhaustion.

Continue reading