Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Realized why I always desperately wanted a little girl, to cherish and love.

A post to my page, on more processing I have done…

“I always desperately wanted to have a little girl, since being a teenager.

I didn’t realise until recently, this deep yearning to have a little girl to love, was actually about my inner little girl child not being loved, cherished, or protected throughout my childhood, by my own mother.

My deep need to have a little girl, has always been about the profound unmet needs, for someone to parent the hurt, abused, abandoned little girl within, who I am now caring for and re-parenting.”

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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The Compulsion to Repeat the Trauma – Re-enactment, Revictimization, and Masochism, Bessel A. van der Kolk, MD*

The Compulsion to Repeat the Trauma

Re-enactment, Revictimization, and Masochism

Bessel A. van der Kolk, MD*


This is really hard reading.

I have read about this before, but now I am starting to realize the extent of how the child abuse and child sexual abuse, has affected my entire life, in so many ways.

My emotions, are a kind of relief, to start to understand and have less confusion…..combined with levels of shame I still feel, deep sadness that I have been harmed in such profound ways, and anger towards those who caused all this.

And anger to those who made choices to take advantage of my vulnerable state, to hurt and harm me more, as despite anything I did and my psychological reasons for this…..

This still did not give anyone the right to abuse me, it does not justify what they did, or lesson the severity of the abuse they caused, or make their lies/denying etc, acceptable. It still in no way minimizes their intentions to harm me, or the harm they caused Рwhich was about their issues, not mine. I was such easy prey and they took advantage of this, completely.