Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Emotional Self Harm & Lack Of Self Care

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A post to my page..


~~~ Emotional Self Harm ~~~

Do you find that you know what you ‘should’ do to help with self care and wellbeing…but just feel unable to do it?

I find that I plan and expect too much for my current capacity.

I think part of this, is because I never learned self care and healthy behaviours, plus I used to be highly functioning – so I feel a failure now and also due to feeling continually exhausted.

But….I also know it because I have always had emotional self harm issues, with setting myself up with unrealistic expectations, which subconsciously I know I will fail, and then I hate myself.

This is common with complex trauma survivors, especially those who have been harmed in prolonged abuse by narcissists/psychopaths and those scapegoated by parents.

Emotional self harm, is not obvious like physical self harm e.g. cutting.

But, emotional self harm, can cause just as much harm, is harder to understand and therefore, more difficult to accept we are doing to ourselves. And I believe emotional self harm, is probably as much, if not more prevalent in complex trauma survivors, than physical self harm…..but is rarely talked about – due to not being visible and not understood by many.


I also realise my reasons for doing what is considered healthy – like exercise, were previously not for healthy reasons, it was also a form of self punishment/perfectionism issues (I was a gym junkie) and also because I needed to ‘look’ as perfect as I could, and yet never looked ‘good enough’.
It was never about my health and wellbeing.Now I don’t have my unhealthy reasons to eat well, exercise etc, I have no driving force to do it regularly. Because I clearly don’t care about myself enough to do it regularly for my healthy wellbeing.

Maybe, this lack of self care, is further self harm, more harm I am subconsciously causing to myself, like all my other harming self behaviours, caused by all the abuse.

I am addressing all this, not overwhelming myself with all I ‘should’ be doing and taking it slowly – so I don’t feel like a failure and give up and do nothing.

These are my insights into my own issues and won’t apply to everyone, I am just sharing this, as I know these issues, can be very common and some may relate.

I always want people to know they are not alone, in their struggles ❤

Lilly ❤


These were a few responses..

Wow it’s like you have just opened my innermost secret part that I couldn’t an explained it in plain English thank you x

thank you Lilly. you are so right on as usual. yeah, feels like walkin into the Quicksand of Shame while wandering in the high desert

Needed to read this today. You showed me the “root” that I’ve been trying to identify for years. It helps me understand some other people to. Ty.

thankyou Lilly… i am so isolated i forget im not the only one with experiences like this….

Wow – I never thought about negative self-image & negative self-talk as self-harm before. Thank you

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

One thought on “Emotional Self Harm & Lack Of Self Care

  1. Sometimes when I feel understood, or I gain new hope, I care more about myself, and have a better outlook on life.

    I have learnt to ride out the bad days, remind myself that I have had good ones too, and they will return. My expectations are changing too, I am learning to accept more, laugh more, not expect too much, sometimes I expect nothing, then I can be surprised when something good comes along.

    I learnt a lot through artistic expression, some days I can write well, and write lots, then a few days later, nothing, no matter how hard I try. Its like a skill ive totally lost, then, it eventually comes back, and that flow, seems to represent everything in my life. So I’ve learnt there is no need to push SO hard on the bad days. (but still take basic care)

    Your thoughts about people not being alone is much needed, that empathy alone does so much good. I will remember to pass it on to others. ❤