Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

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Empathy impoverished therapy. What Complex Trauma survivors ‘need’ within Christian therapy.

This is work by Pete Walker, someone very insightful into complex trauma and the needs of the client. He is a complex trauma survivor himself, and it is my opinion, that only another survivor truly understands and knows, what another survivor feels and needs.

Click to access relationalHealingComplexPTSD.pdf

A child with parents, who are unable or unwilling to provide safe enough attachment, has no one to whom she can bring her whole developing self. No one is there for reflection, validation and guidance. No one is safe enough to go to for comfort or help in times of trouble. There is no one to cry to, to protest unfairness to, to seek commiseration from for hurts, mistakes, accidents, and betrayals. No one is safe enough to shine with, to do “show and tell” with, to be reflected as a subject of pride…to even practice the all-important intimacy-building skills of conversation.

In the paraphrased words of more than one of my clients: “Talking to Mom was like giving ammunition to the enemy. Anything I said could and would be used against me. People always tell me that I don’t seem to have much to say for myself.”

Those with Complex PTSD-spawned attachment disorders never learn the communication skills that engender closeness and a sense of belonging. When it comes to relating, they are typically plagued by debilitating social anxiety, and social phobia when they are at the severe end of the continuum of PTSD. Many of the clients who come through my door have never had a safe enough relationship.

Repetition compulsion has compelled them to unconsciously seek out relationships in adulthood that traumatically re-enact the abusive and/or abandoning dynamics of their childhood caretakers. For many such clients, we are their first legitimate shot at a safe and nurturing relationship; and if we are not skilled enough to create the degree of safety they need to begin the long journey towards developing good enough trust, we may be their last. Continue reading


Reading this, explains why I feel disconnected, numb…

My last blog, I stated about my numb, disconnected state.

The overwhelming info I have processed recently about the deeper impact of childhood sexual abuse, has put me into a kind of shock state.



Some adult sexual abuse survivors report a period of withdrawal and shutting down from the world where they lose energy, collapse, and may want to sleep or hide. This reaction is a sign of trauma and relates to how the ANS evokes a survival method of being in a “freeze” state in an effort (often unsuccessful) of anticipating and escaping the terror of possible opportunities of further sexual abuse. In this reaction the victim may also dissociate or “split-off” to accentuate the withdrawal process from the world and from possible further abuse (Ogden:2008). Hypo-arousal was found in trauma studies by Lanius, as noted by Ogden(2008), to occur in about one third of the abuse victims.

Hypo-arousal can cause losses in memory, motor weakness in the body, paralysis, numbness of feelings and sensations, confusion states, and deficits in attention(Ogden:2008). Victims often report a sense of separation from their body, no sensation in parts of their body, and an appearance of passivity. Continue reading

Doing what I am supposed to be doing….but in a completely numb, disconnected state.

I am aware, I am in a numb state, nearly all the time now.

Since the latest processing, of even deeper psychological harm caused me, that has affected my whole life…I just can’t deal with it. I was already suicidal prior to all this. I am past my limit now.

How do you process all the trauma, all the abusers and what they did, and then realise because of all they did, you have also been abusing yourself all this time, letting people harm you, by not staying away, putting yourself in dangerous situations, hanging around with abusive people.

I can’t even process the words – re-enacting abuse, masochism, compulsion to repeat trauma.

All this time, I’ve thought I was strong, a survivor…and all along I was hurting myself, over and over. Continuing what all the abusers started and letting more hurt me repeatedly.

I feel disconnected from everything and everyone. Continue reading