Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

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Sad music can make you feel better……and here’s why…

I read this today and this is true. Without music to help me cope with my emotions…..I would probably be dead.

When everything is going wrong, there’s nothing like listening to a few melancholy bars of your favorite sad song.

Buy why do we find pleasure in sad music? If the goal is to stay upbeat, why would we ever choose to listen to, say, Adele’s “Someone Like You” over Pharrell Williams’ “Happy”?

The conundrum puzzled two researchers at the Freie Universität Berlin in Germany who set out to explore our affinity for sad songs in a world where entire industries exist to help us eliminate sadness from our lives.

Their study— based on a survey of more than 770 people around the world and published this month in the journal, PLOS ONE — discovered sad music can evoke positive emotions, like peacefulness and tenderness, and offers four distinct rewards for choosing that weepy ballad on your iPod.

“People turn to sad music for comfort, and to deal with bad feelings, but also simply for pleasure,” Liila Taruffi, one of the authors, told TODAY.

“(Sad music has) potential to regulate negative moods and emotions, as well as to provide consolation… In this sense, sad music can play a role in well-being.”

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I do not like today….it sure is testing my managment skills…

I don’t ‘do’ Halloween, but my son is going – for the first time – trick or treating with his friend…..after a big long talk about why certain aspects of Halloween and the glorifying of evil is not okay….His response “it’s okay mum, it’s just a bit of fun and getting lollies”.

I understand this is how a 12 years old thinks about it…….and that level of immaturity about Halloween, remains the same for many adults too….

It is just a bit of fun for most people…..but I still hate it. I know glorifying darkness, is not okay.

I know focussing on goodness

is what we always need,

not darkness.

Continue reading

7 Smart Ways to Deal With a Narcissist

Great advice on how deal with narcissists and their abuse.
Thank you!

After Narcissistic Abuse

Besides the #1 go to solution for dealing with a narcissist: LEAVING – let’s explore some tips when we’re forced to deal with this nasty person in the workplace, in our families, with our inlaws, etc.

Managing our own emotions in the face of a disordered person’s roller coaster emotions and moodiness can be quite a challenge.  The important point to remember is to engage your boundaries and know what belongs to the narcissist and what responsibility belong to you.  They may be a disordered person but we still need to protect ourselves from their behavior having a negative effect on us.

Negative behavior: that of the toxic bully will use his or her mood swings to intimidate and manipulate others.  It’s this aspect of moodiness that inflicts enduring abuse and misery.  If you observe these people closely, you will notice that their attitude is overly self-referential.  Their relationships are…

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I find it so sad how much evilness is glorified by society.

Some of the biggest selling books/movies….

Harry Potter series….

Twilight series……

50 Shades of Grey trilogy…

One of biggest movie series ever – James Bond – a psychopath killing people with no remorse.

Horror movies – so many love them.

All based upon glorifying and enjoying evil.

Halloween, used to glorify and indulge in evil.

I know most people will say this is all just a bit of fun.

Well they can delude themselves with that if they wish…..but I see the bigger, deeper picture.

And I don’t think this makes people bad people, but they just don’t realise what they are doing.

I don’t celebrate or worship evil spirits or

promote darkness and wickedness.

I’ve come face to face with evil and I know it is not something to be celebrating or excusing as a ‘bit of fun’.

It is evil laughing and rubbing his hands together in glee.


I should avoid Facebook over halloween.

I do realise most people celebrate Halloween as a bit of fun, to dress up etc. I also think it is a good excuse to indulge in the dark side of people, which bothers me.

I hate Halloween, and anything that celebrates evil. I hate horror movies etc. I know what Halloween is meant to be about, but is still has too much evilness involved and is used as an excuse to glorify evil.

I don’t ‘enjoy’, celebrate or glorify evil.

Currently there are pictures of Halloween, horror type stuff all over social media. All glorifying dark evil stuff.

I just saw a pic of a guy I like and he is a nice guy….but for Halloween he had a picture of his eyes all black – evil eyes.

Having seen this is real life – real life evil at work and enduring a psychopath who’s eyes would become black, as he carried out his torture…..those black evil eyes, are very triggering.

So, it is up to me, to stay away from this stuff that triggers horrible memories and emotions of fear and suffering, due to real evil at work.


My Blog views, passed 300,000 today :)


Considering I write about yucky/taboo stuff, this is a really high level of views, showing the need for raw, real, honest writing.

I am thankful this Blog is viewed a lot and helps many people.

The views have increased from 140,000 in May 2014, to now over 300,000..in the just the last 5 months!

Blessed to bless others. Thank you God ❤

It is also interesting, that for all those in my life, who abused me, made me feel worthless, made me feel stupid etc…

They were all wrong….I do have the capacity to be and give something worthwhile and my work is encouraged and validated by professionals in the field.

So, please never assume the opinions of unhealthy, abusive, dysfunctional people, are correct.

Lilly ❤


Amazing TED talk about compassion.

I’ve always known that when people do things for others….to feel good about themselves….this is narcissism, and nothing to do with empathy, compassion, or altruism.

I’ve seen many people ‘doing good’ for others…..but really it is for themselves.

They won’t admit that of course.

Empathy is rare.

I’m always glad when my psychology understanding, is validated by professionals.


Good childhood memories, of playing with a relatives dogs.

I try hard to hold onto positive childhood memories.

I didn’t have a pet I could play with like a dog or cat. We had (completely untamed) budgies – because that’s what my sister wanted. I called my budgie ‘flopsy’. I wanted a rabbit.

I think pets are wonderful for people, families and children and I know they are great for inner child healing too.

My son is allergic to pet hair, so we can’t have a dog or cat. We had to give his guinea pigs away, because after a while, he couldn’t go near them without getting sick.

This is a pic of me when I was about 5 or 6, with a relatives dogs. I have memories of playing with them and they are good memories. And I am smiling in this photo, which is good.



It is not wisdom to tell people to be proud of who they are and not change.

It is really unwise advice to tell the whole of society to ‘be who they are’.

Most people have issues, and don’t grow or mature into all they can be.

Society is becoming increasingly immature, because society promotes ‘being proud of who you are’ – even if unhealthy, nasty, bitchy, bully, egocentric, egotistic, narcissistic, immature, greedy, selfish….

Abuse of every kind is increasing throughout society, mental health problems are increasing, crime is increasing etc…..

Is it wisdom to say to society….’be proud of who you are’ ?

Clearly not. Continue reading