Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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Always a moth to the flame……..but not anymore.

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I was not looking forward to counselling today, I assumed (wrongly…again) we may ‘have’ to discuss ‘that stuff’ I am currently avoiding. I was relieved to know we weren’t, and that it is okay to avoid some stuff, and build up strength and resilience and deal with that later. Phew!

I did manage to verbalise how I realise, for various trauma-induced psychological reasons, I have spent my life being a ‘moth to a flame’. The ‘flame’ being abusive people, often of the narc/sociopath/psychopath variety. All due to my childhood. Getting burned over and over and over, and not being able to stop this and protect myself.

In fact, it would be more appropriate, to say I have been a moth, to many flames and I see that fully. Now.

And when I ‘know’ something, I don’t shy away from it, or ‘rationalise’ it, or minimize it, or pretend it doesn’t exist. I’m too real and honest and have too much integrity to honesty, for that.

But, I do fully recognise, that I am only able to see, understand, accept and deal with things, when I ‘know’ them. And this awareness often comes in those big overwhelming realisations, that leave me shocked, speechless, scared, fearful. Followed by varying levels of emotions and potential numbing, or panicking, mood lowering and little capacity to cope…which can lead to suicidal thoughts.

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All psychologists/therapists/counsellors treating Complex PTSD…need to read this.

http://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/#!for-therapists-treating-complex-ptsd/chkc

This is important within the therapeutic relationship, with someone suffering Complex PTSD.

This is what builds trust.

This is what helps the inner child, to trust.

Without trust, without validation, without knowing the therapist understands the pain caused and expresses & models emotions about the abuse, about the abusers (including anger)…….which is what the sufferer has not received……the sufferer won’t engage.

These unmet needs, need to be met within the counselling/therapeutic relationship.


You are hurting my healing, by telling me to ‘let it go’ ‘move on’.

A post to my page….

I really dislike the terms ‘let it go’ & ‘move on’ etc.

This implies we are ‘deliberately’ choosing to hold on to something.

For a start….PTSD, doesn’t allow us to ‘let it go’.

Having ‘involuntary’ re-experiencing symptoms, is the main feature of PTSD.

This can mean unwanted intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, nightmares, and also emotional flashbacks.

Many mental health professionals, are yet to catch up on the ’emotional flashbacks’ sufferers can be experiencing and many sufferer’s don’t understand they are experiencing them either. This will be a feature in my book.

There are also things we don’t understand we are doing, cognitive distortions, unhealthy beliefs, caused by trauma and abuse.

Abuse and trauma cause deep psychological issues, affecting behaviours….that we do not understand…..until we work out what is happening.

I have only just processed some of my behaviours due to the deep psychological impact of child abuse. Until I worked this out, I could not begin to address this.

And I couldn’t begin to work this out, until ‘I’ was psychological ready to. 

This isn’t about being on someone else’s judgment of ‘when’ I should be dealing with this, or how fast. But, mine. And mine is unique, as are all.

These behaviours were not something I was ‘choosing’ to ‘hold on to’. And I have been in counselling 2 years and I have good self insight and it has still been 2 years, to get to this point.

This is why I am so concerned about society expecting survivors to heal quickly and ‘move on’ and ‘let it go’. The BS perpetuated – stop being a ‘victim’ and move to ‘survivor’ fast and to ‘thriving’ fast. Or you are weak and ‘choosing’ to dwell, hold on, not move on.

That isn’t wisdom, or strength…..that is unwise, and suppressing trauma. That is not about thriving.

If I had ‘moved on’ before now, I would not be facing these new trauma related issues and they would continue to affect the rest of my life.

I can’t ‘thrive’ – until I process all the layers of trauma induced consequences, that have been caused to my mind, heart, body and soul.

Just my thoughts, this morning ❤

~ Lilly Hope Lucario
Survivor/Writer/Educator


We need to challenge those inner critics every day.

A post to my page…


“We need to challenge those inner critics every day. Those voices from the past, that told us and made us believe to the very core of our being – we deserved nothing good, deserved to suffer, deserved to be unhappy and not loved.

The more we challenge these past voices, the more we change our beliefs about what we need, what we deserve. And how we – as much as anyone else – do deserve to have happiness and inner peace.

I am only at the start of challenging these inner critics, but I already feel how vital this is.”

~ Lilly Hope Lucario ❤ 
Survivor/Writer/Educator