Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


People with inflated self esteem & grandiose delusions, really trigger me.

It is okay to acknowledge this.…as it affects my wellbeing.

One trigger I know I have, is people’s ‘delusions of grandeur’, or ‘inflated sense of self esteem’, or inflated sense of self importance’ which can be found within several diagnoses of Narcissistic PD, Bipolar and others.

http://psychcentral.com/…/narcissistic-personality-disorde…/

http://www.mayoclinic.org/…/ba…/tests-diagnosis/con-20027544

Both of these diagnoses are very, very different, but both of these links above show how the person will have a self inflated sense of self esteem/delusions of grandeur….and I will be able to easily spot this, as I am very discerning. This has happened again in the last few weeks.

And I am honest in saying I find this very triggering, having been raised by narcs/sociopaths and abused by too many, who all had inflated self esteem and were very abusive and caused me great harm.

Once that ego stuff becomes obvious to me, it triggers issues that immediately put me on alert and I will back away from that person and want to run far from them, as a form of self protection. Especially as I then watch that person continually considering and promoting self and own agenda and I start to feel used, which is also a trigger for me.
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My result was ‘Your Classic Literary Character Is Jane Eyre’.

I completed one of those ‘What Classic Literary Character Are You’ quizzes.

My result was…

You are Jane Eyre! You may appear soft spoken but you are a little firecracker and have a lot to say! You are highly intelligent and would make a very good teacher. You are supportive of the ones you love and want to feel equal to your significant other.

I was surprised at this, until I thought about it more and decided, this was in fact, an accurate result.

“I am no bird and no net ensnares me” – Jane Eyre.

I do relate to the character of Jane Eyre. And I am content to be most like her character.
From a troubled and abusive childhood, becomes a woman who refused to be constrained by social norms, rejecting social class structure (class being about ego), wisely advocating for equality, unusually introspective and she challenged life and people, but in a quiet non grandiose way.
Her clear journey between moral duty and earthly happiness, rebuking hypocrites, and the obvious understanding of ‘conventionality not being morality’.  This all resonates with me.

She also challenged religious people and worked out her own way for her Christian beliefs, not feeling it necessary to agree and comply with hypocrisy, rejecting those who used religion to harm others and she never allows herself to become suppressed by religious zealous dogma or doctrine, but using instead her mind and her heart to focus on what was required for her by God.


Jane Eyre certainly did not ‘go with flow’, grew to be someone not ensnared by social expectations and had the courage and wisdom to challenge herself, society and others, with a heart of wanting all to be free of unhealthy and unwise beliefs/attitudes, many feel compelled to blindly follow.

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Realised, my gifting is not in raising awareness, mine is directly helping those suffering.

gifts

I realised today, I don’t have to try to do both.

I get frustrated whilst being involved in raising awareness, because I come across people who don’t know what they talking about, or are doing it for self promotion and it frustrates me, because mental health is not something to be messed with.

I don’t want to become about promoting myself, in the process of raising awareness and I don’t want people telling me how amazing I am, or how amazing my work is. It’s just not who I am. I’m an introvert at heart.

My gifting is in directly relating with those suffering from severe abuse and trauma, with real empathy and insight. This is no doubt why I have been encouraged to become a trauma counsellor. Continue reading


Retaining humility, when wanting to write & publish a book.

I realise that writing and publishing a book, requires self promoting, but oh my…I do not want to turn into someone who uses ‘every’ opportunity to self promote, ‘every’ post is about ‘the book’ and develops that grandiose sense of self esteem.

I realise ‘success’ is considered by some to be about sales, no’s of books sold, pitching to publishing houses, but I don’t want to be concerned about this.

I don’t want to become obsessed and be obnoxious in the process. I don’t want to value my ‘success’ on outer value of ‘sales’, money ad all the processes of pitching to publishing houses etc. I definitely don’t want my face to become known, or become a media whore, or become well known. It’s why I use a pen name, for everything.

I’m not in this for ego. I’m in it for helping people. Sure it can be therapeutic to publish a book, it can be part of healing, but developing an ego and an inflated sense of self esteem and becoming obnoxious in my self promotion…..not for me. I want to retain humility, keep my focus on the drive – publishing a book that helps people.

I would put a book I wrote on my website and promote it through my PTSD social media accounts, but as for all the other ways to self promote, I just don’t want to be involved in all that. I already see all the perils and dangers of that. Continue reading